Chapter 8
Sky
How do you tell an ugly story about yourself to someone you love?
You practice.
It was Trudy, the social worker from the shelter who’d really turned me into an advocate. She had been a victim herself as a child and part of her mission as a social worker, and in life was to share her story so others could be spared. She felt that if she revealed her pain, in doing so, she could prevent others from stumbling onto the same path.
At first, I was terrified to share with anyone what had happened to me. Not Malcolm, not Claire, not even my therapist. But it was Trudy, who, over milkshakes and French fries told me candidly she’d been sex trafficked at the age of thirteen. I’d asked her why she went into social work and she gave me a story I needed to hear so badly. Back then, I was still unaware of the power of connection, how I could minimize my own fears and confront my past demons by sharing my story with others. Somehow, trauma becomes isolating, we start to believe the lie that we’re different from others, that we’ve been changed, that we can’t go back to being who we are, our true selves before disaster struck.
“That’s bullshit, Skylar. That’s the anxiety talking. You’re still you. No one, and I mean NO ONE can take that away from you. Your authentic self is unchanged. You’ve got to work the trauma out by relating to others.” She dipped a fry in my ranch dressing.
I sipped my Coke and nodded. Strangely enough, I felt better already. Just knowing that Trudy, big, beautiful, and boisterous Trudy had been taken and forced to do things against her will, somehow alleviated the weight of all the useless guilt I was carrying.
“They want you to believe that they’ve broken you, created something beyond repair. But that’s bullshit, Sky. Look at us!”
And I did. We were vibrant, we were funny, we had so much to give.
“I’ve been doing it for years and I equate it to my success, being open about my past is what’s saved me from it. Talking about it every day helps me erase it, if that makes any sense.”
“But do you know that it helps them, the kids that you talk to?”
“How do you feel right now, Skylar?”
“Pretty full, but I still have room for dessert,” I told her smiling. “But, no seriously, I feel way better than I did when we sat down.”
“That’s because sharing eases the burden we carry. If you can do that and help other people along the way? Well I’d say you’ve got the world figured out then.”
I flipped through the gigantic menu eyeing the cakes and pies. I liked the idea of being able to help other people with the experience I’d had.
“Let’s get cheesecake.”
“I love their blueberry.”
When we were settled in with our desserts, I asked Trudy more of the questions I’d always held in.
“What about the other way? What about the ones who seek revenge? Do you think that can be healing too?”
“Oh, you mean like Malcolm and the other guys in the MC?”
“Um, yep. Sort of exactly like that.”
“Well, justice doesn’t always err on the side of the victim. And the system, just like all systems are built with inherent biases. In most other circumstances, I say defer to the authorities, let the professionals do their jobs. But when it comes to disadvantaged kids? I make exceptions. So does the Valor Club, just on a whole other level from what we’re talking about.”
Maybe I didn’t really want to know the details. I was okay with them taking justice into their own hands, because if they didn’t, I wouldn’t be here.
“So when you share your story, Trudy, do you do it in front of large crowds or do you talk to individual kids?”
“There are a ton of options. I’m going to give you the names of a bunch of organizations that need volunteers. I can bring you to my next speaking engagement and introduce you to some people who are always in need of survivors to place as mentors. You’re a success story, Skylar, and your experience alone is enough to change someone’s whole world.
Chapter 9
Patriot
I had to get my own place. Sky said she didn’t mind coming over to the club, but it wasn’t ideal. We both felt weird going to her house, even though both Malcolm and Claire knew we were dating and gave us their blessing. Somehow the dynamic was strange, Rough gnashing his teeth trying to be cool and Claire worried so much about Sky’s sexuality and if she could handle a relationship. They meant well—they loved us—but in the end they were just parents and we both needed to stretch and learn to walk away from their watchful eyes.