"The doctor is trying to help me. If it were too painful, or wasn’t working, I wouldn’t show up. Believe me, Malcolm and Claire did a ton of research. You know Rough did a background check, how could he not?"
"I don't like him. How can screaming be good for you?”
“Well, maybe you don’t have to worry. He’s probably not going to want to treat me anymore after what happened today.”
We hit the ground floor and when the doors opened and we stepped out into the lobby, we could see a cop car pulling into the parking lot.
“Can’t keep the cops off my fucking back for even twenty-four hours,” Patriot lamented.
The two officers burst through the doors and I did the only thing that came to mind, I let go of Dex’s hand and threw my arms around his neck. I tilted my face up and stared into his eyes.
“They’re probably looking for a lone maniac, not a couple,” I said as he stared at my lips.
“A couple?” Patriot repeated. His gaze was so deep, I felt myself swimming again, sinking into his hazel eyes and not wanting to ever pull away. As the cops neared, I closed my eyes and said a little prayer. Patriot touched his lips to mine almost imperceptibly. The softest whisper of a kiss that made my whole body flush with warmth. My eyes popped open and I looked into his eyes. The cops were waiting for the elevator without giving us a second glance.
“It’s not my place to judge your therapy. What works for one person doesn’t work for everybody. I can respect your process and the boundaries you set, but don’t ever expect me to stand still when someone makes you scream.”
Patriot looked so intensely, so full of determination that I didn’t want to question him.
We walked hand in hand out into the sunshine and didn’t drop them though we were out of sight of anyone who might be watching us.
“Let's go," Patriot said. He grabbed his helmet and tossed it to me, straddled his bike in one smooth motion.
I hopped on the back of the motorcycle without saying anything. Dutifully, I pulled the helmet down over my head.
Patriot kicked the stand and pulled the throttle and the bike growled to life beneath us. Instead of pulling out of the parking lot, Patriot Turned to me as he lowered his chin to his chest and seemed to pull in a deep breath.
“Sky, I’m not always in control of my own responses. I run on instinct and adrenaline, sometimes my only fuel is anger,” he said above the hum of the engine.
"I know, Patriot. Me too. That’s what I’m trying to change about myself.”
“Life has taught me not to trust anybody. I learned to trust Rough and then Claire pushed her way in. I believe in the brotherhood and trust it not to fail me. I want to trust you, Sky and I want it to be mutual. But I fuck up all the time and I am as far as you can be from perfect.”
I wrapped my arms around him in response and lay my head on his back. I knew he wouldn’t hear me through the helmet and over the engine. I also knew there weren’t any words to match the feelings, the fear of losing something you didn’t yet have. The fear of happiness or closeness because you associated those things with pain.
My sign language was limited so I hugged Dex with both my arms and my legs. I wanted to reassure him, let him know that I understood and that I didn’t run away from a problem just because it challenged me.
He held my hand against his stomach and squeezed it. I could feel the plains of muscle under his thin t-shirt. Patriot put the bike in gear and glided out of the parking lot. When we hit the open highway, he pressed on the gas and we sailed through the dusk like we were running to beat the sunset.
Chapter 5
Patriot
The ride calmed me down just as it always did, and Sky’s arms wrapped securely around me made me feel invincible. Even though the kiss in the lobby was maybe just for show, I felt connected to her on a whole new and deeper level now. The way she accepted my flaws so seamlessly made me want to straighten out and become a better man. If I had Sky to live for, I wouldn’t risk messing it up and that might make me rethink some of my violent tendencies. If I had Skylar to love, maybe I could sate my own pain with something other than vengeance. It was easy to imagine, but in actuality, probably harder to execute. I’d just beat up her therapist for doing the damn job he was paid to do.