“You think if you weren’t around, Gabriel would just say, no problem, y’all, just move all your things back in and let’s pick up where we left off?”
I knew it was more than just me standing between Penelope and her second chance. It was Gabriel’s past as well. But I was concerned that with me in the picture, he’d never make the effort to face his demons and give the mother of his child a chance she deserved. “No, but maybe there would be a chance for things to be different. I guess we’ll find out soon enough . . .” I laughed but it was hollow. Like a cough in an empty theatre. “Maybe it would be better to have a clean break.”
“I thought you were serious about him.”
I’d hoped I could have Gabriel and all these new experiences too, but maybe that was just greedy. I should be more than happy with an opportunity to travel to a dozen different countries. That had been my ultimate dream at one point.
“I know I wasn’t all that supportive of you being with Gabriel at first, but over these last few weeks, I’ve seen how happy you are. How happy you both are. I was beginning to believe that it might be serious between you—serious enough that you’d both be willing to sacrifice things to make each other’s dreams come true.”
“You’re talking in fairytales,” I said. “We both know life doesn’t work like that. We have to figure things out and work around obstacles.”
Hollie groaned. “Not always. I’m living proof that the fairytale is real. You were the one who convinced me not to give up wanting it.”
“I’m not giving up,” I said. I wasn’t sure that was true. This morning, I’d woken up before the sun and gone downstairs to find coffee. On the way, I’d watched Bethany asleep in bed. She was the most beautiful little girl, and she deserved the best of everything. “I just want what’s best.”
“For who?” Hollie asked.
“For everyone. I’m just considering whether I should take a step back. Can you imagine if Bethany turned around to me in fifteen years and said, if you hadn’t been sleeping with my dad, my parents would never have divorced.”
“You’re talking like you’re the reason Penelope left.”
“No, I’m talking like I don’t want to be the reason she doesn’t stay.” The more I talked about it, the more I realized I had to go. Not because I wanted to see the world. Not because I wanted to be sure that I wouldn’t resent Gabriel in twenty years because I hadn’t left. But because he needed me to leave so he could reach out and give his family a second chance.
“Is your guest room still available? I think I’m going to need a place to stay before I start my trip.”
Hollie grabbed my hand. “Are you serious? Of course. Always. But, Autumn, are you sure?”
I nodded. It was clear to me now that I couldn’t stay, and more than that, I had to leave with my whole heart. If I went with the promise of returning, Gabriel would never confront his past. He’d never give Penelope a chance.
I needed to help him. I needed to show him—show us both—that he needed me to leave. I just hoped I was strong enough to walk away.
Thirty-Four
Gabriel
I closed the door behind me and sniffed the air, taking in the smell of cooking spices. Friday nights had fallen into a routine where Autumn cooked us a curry and I brought home some great wine to have with it. She’d been busy helping Hollie with the wedding recently, and I’d missed her.
“I’m home,” I called, dropping my coat onto the rack and parking my documents case by the hall chair.
Autumn came down the stairs, her smile a little less enthusiastic than usual. “Good day?” I asked, smiling at her. She looked so beautiful when she had her hair up like that. Or down. Or with a hat. Or without.
She nodded and I pulled her into my arms as she got to the bottom of the stairs. She didn’t mold against me as she usually did, instead pressing her hands on my chest. “I need to get our chicken out of the oven.”
“Can I help?” I asked as I toed off my shoes and padded after her.
“It’s all done,” she said.
Was it me or was she avoiding my gaze? “What did you do today?”
She sighed as she slid the hot dish onto a trivet. “Usual thing. Nursery, then we went for a walk around Lincoln’s Inn Fields.”
Something was definitely up. On any normal day, Autumn would be bubbling over about Lincoln’s Inn. About the “quaint” buildings and hidden walkways. It was the kind of place she loved. But today there was no enthusiasm in the way she spoke. Perhaps she was worried about the new nanny starting, although I’d offered the job to the woman Autumn had recommended and raved about. Maybe she’d had some bad news about the interviews she’d been going on.