“You’ve always wanted to travel?” I asked.
“Always. And when Hollie got to come to Europe first, I knew I wouldn’t be far behind. I can’t wait to see the Colosseum. The Eiffel Tower. I want to go and watch the . . .” She made pincer movements with her fingers. “You know, in Seville.”
“Flamenco?” I suggested.
“Gah,” she replied, closing her eyes and inhaling as if she was breathing in a bouquet of summer flowers. “I can’t wait. I thought I’d have to wait for paid vacation but turns out not having my job start until next September means I can spend the whole of August travelling. Things have turned out for the best.”
“Poor gold lady. She can’t see,” Bethany said, interrupting my tumble of thoughts. She patted my head and pointed at the statue of victory on top of the Victoria memorial.
“No, darling, she’s looking in the wrong direction,” I replied.
“I think she’s making sure everyone is happy,” Autumn replied. “And I’m sure someone will show her photos.”
“Yes!” Bethany said. “The Queen.”
Sometimes I wondered what thoughts raced around Bethany’s head in between her random statements. Did she think the statue came alive when the people had gone, and Victory joined Her Majesty for tea and a giggle about the ceremony? Being a father was the most rewarding, confusing, challenging thing I’d ever done and despite Bethany’s mother leaving us, I’d do it all again exactly the same in a heartbeat. Bethany was a constant reminder that someone other than myself was at the center of everything I did. It was an important reminder—one that kept me focused and determined even in the face of nightmare clients like Mike.
“Spin,” Bethany demanded, and dutifully, I turned around three hundred and sixty degrees on the spot. Bethany tilted back as she always did when she was on my shoulders, and I tightened my grip on her ankles. “Again.” This time I went the other way twice. Soon I knew I’d been crouching down and springing up and rocking my shoulders left and right like I was Bethany’s own personal fairground ride. Anything to hear that giggle.
“You two are wonderful together,” Autumn said, grinning up at us both.
Someone tapped me on the shoulder, and I turned to find an older woman, pulling one of those baskets on wheels that elderly people transport their shopping in. “Excuse me for interrupting you, but I have to tell you that you three make a very good-looking family.”
I couldn’t have been more shocked if she’d told me I’d unknowingly come out in my boxers. I was lost for words. I glanced at Autumn, who I expected to interrupt and correct the woman, but she seemed to be studiously focused on the preparations behind the railings.
The woman looked up at Bethany. “You are going to turn out just as pretty as your mama.”
She thought Autumn was my wife. That she was Bethany’s mother. Couldn’t she see I was far older than Autumn? That I was the man who signed her paychecks?
She patted me on my arm. “You have a beautiful family. Take care of them.”
If only she knew.
I’d spent five years with Penelope trying to create a beautiful family. I was now certain there was no such thing. Apparently, I hadn’t learned that lesson from my father. My ex-wife had to burn it on my soul.
I wouldn’t make the same mistake again.
Now I was determined to the best father I could be to Bethany. That meant I lived my life with very exacting standards. I would be a role model for her. A provider for her. And most of all, I’d be her anchor—an unbreakable tether that would give her consistency and certainty. I knew what it felt like as a child when the ground was constantly shifting beneath you and you didn’t know whether your parents would both be there when you woke up. Bethany’s mother had cut herself loose, but that just made me bind myself more tightly to my daughter.
That meant no overnight trips for work, so I was always there if she woke in the night. It meant no women in my bed, since a relationship might confuse or hurt Bethany. And it meant I had to stop burning through nannies like stationery supplies. Whether she knew it or not, Autumn’s place with us was a sure thing for as long as she was in London.
Four
Autumn
I wouldn’t normally take so long to get ready for a Saturday night dinner with my sister. I certainly wouldn’t have bought something new. But I was in London now. It felt like a fresh start even if I was in a kind of limbo until my real career started. Plus, Hollie ran in the kind of circles now where people’s sneakers cost more than my entire closet. It might just be dinner with my sister, her husband, and some of their friends, but it was in Knightsbridge. The only person I knew who was richer than my future brother-in-law was my current boss, which meant dinner at Dex’s warranted a new dress.