“I don’t want you to think I didn’t love you,” she continued. As if I cared. “I did. And . . . still do.”
This time I couldn’t hold back my laugh. What she was saying was so ludicrous. So utterly ridiculous.
“It’s true, Gabe. I never stopped loving you. I was just scared that my life was all planned out. I was young. And bored. And tired. And I wanted to explore what else life had to offer.”
I glanced at my solicitor, wondering if we could wrap this up early. I didn’t need Penelope’s explanations. What was done was done. It didn’t matter how we had gotten to this place—we were here.
“I left because I would have turned into someone else if I’d stayed.”
I didn’t respond. But part of me wanted to. The lawyer in me wanted to rebut her arguments. We all change and grow as the years go by. I’d thought we were going to do that together. As a couple—as a family.
I glanced at the clock again. There was too much time left.
“I made a lot of mistakes,” she continued. “And I understand I hurt you. And I hurt our daughter.”
She hadn’t hurt Bethany. When Penelope left, Bethany had been too young to remember having a mother. She and I had been fine, and were still. We were a team.
“But everyone deserves a second chance. And I’m asking you to give me mine.”
My gut twisted like it was an old towel being wrung out by a heavyweight boxer. She couldn’t be serious. “You’re asking me what?” I said, almost hissing the words.
“I want my family back.” Her voice hitched at the end of the sentence. A ghost of a memory made me flinch.
I’d heard apologies like these a long time ago. Over and over, I’d heard my father ask for one more chance. And another one. And another one. Infinite fresh starts hadn’t been enough for him.
“Your family doesn’t exist,” I said simply. What did she think? That she was going to meet me after three years and I was going to be so grateful that she’d come back, I’d welcome her with open arms? Did she really think I was that desperate? What could she possibly think she had to offer Bethany or me? Nothing except disorder and broken promises. Nothing except a cloud of expectation that it would happen again. I didn’t want to exist in a world where every day I remembered that Bethany and I weren’t enough to make Penelope stay the first time, and that we probably wouldn’t be able to keep her from leaving again.
I wouldn’t put up with that for me, and certainly not for Bethany. My daughter deserved better. She deserved to be brought up by a parent who kept their promises and loved her enough to stay even when life got difficult.
“I know you’re a good man, Gabe. I knew Bethany was safe in your hands.”
I tried not to roll my eyes as she spoke.
“I needed to leave,” she continued. “I needed to go to understand how much I had at home.”
She had no home with me or Bethany.
“And now, I’m back and I want to be part of your lives.”
The buzzer went off on my phone and I stood. “Twenty minutes is up. I have a meeting.”
I swept out of the office, knowing that by the time I reached the lobby, Gillian would be calling.
She rang before the lift doors opened.
“She wants to see Bethany,” she said before I had a chance to say anything. “She said that if you won’t take her back, then she wants a custody arrangement.”
My lungs filled with concrete and I sucked in a breath, trying to find air. Custody? “She’s a stranger to my daughter,” I choked out. “She can’t do that, can she?”
I staggered to the door, desperate to steady my breath.
“She’s the biological mother. Of course she won’t get fifty-fifty custody at this point, but the court will allow visitation.”
After all this time, she could just waltz back into our lives and try to pick up where she left off? And just expect that we could all go back to how it was before?
“No,” I said.
“We can fight,” she replied. “But given her position, we might be better off trying to come to an agreement. You might end up with more that way, Gabriel.”
“No,” I repeated. There was no way I was letting her anywhere near Bethany.
“Think about it. We want to avoid a court battle. It’s expensive and will take you away from your daughter. In the end, you’ll have to give her something.”
I hung up. I couldn’t listen to it any longer. I needed to get home. I had to protect what was mine.
Twenty-Seven
Autumn
I put on Bethany’s nightlight and folded back her bed covers. She hopped in without me having to ask twice.