I didn’t like the idea that at some point she’d take her magic wand and move on. But that had always been the deal. I’d always known that was going to be the case. And it was the right thing for her and for us. She was young. She’d never travelled before. She should go out and find her place in the world. And I wasn’t ever going to make promises to another woman. That ship had sailed. Our parting was inevitable.
“I can help you,” I said, shuffling closer to her. “If you want me to. I can tell you where I’ve been and what I liked. And what to avoid. Like the Mona Lisa—get there early, see it, and then get out. Go and see the other Da Vincis in the same gallery, which are just as spectacular, but everyone wanders past them looking for the Mona Lisa.”
“That’s a really good tip,” she said, scribbling away.
“And in Barcelona, make sure you just spend a day wandering in Gaudi’s park. It’s so beautiful; you won’t want to rush it. And in Venice, make sure your hotel is just off St. Mark’s Square—you want to be part of the hustle and bustle of the place.”
She’d stopped writing. “You’re like the best tour guide ever.” The light in her eyes dimmed slightly. “It’s a shame I can’t take you with me.”
I nodded, trying my best to make my smile spread to my eyes. “You’ll have the best time.”
She turned back to her notebook, nodding. “Yes. It will be great.”
Until she left, I’d hold on tight to her, and try to bring her some of the joy she’d brought me and Bethany. Even if Autumn’s joy meant the end of mine.
Sixteen
Gabriel
I’d always enjoyed dinners at Hollie and Dexter’s place. It was like being with family—or how families were in my imagination. Food. Wine. Good conversation. But tonight, I’d rather be anywhere else. That wasn’t quite true. I’d rather be at home with Autumn. Just the two of us. The fact that she’d be at dinner tonight only made things worse. The bubble the two of us had existed in up until now had disintegrated, and I was being forced to think about all the reasons why I shouldn’t be with Autumn.
I paid the cab and headed to Hollie and Dexter’s front door, pausing before I knocked. I hated that I was lying to my friends. I’d done exactly what Dexter had warned me not to—slept with Autumn. And worse, I couldn’t stop. Even worse than that, I didn’t want to. Tonight, being with Autumn seemed so much more complicated that it usually did. Autumn and me, together, was so right. So simple. I didn’t want to think about any reason why that wouldn’t continue to be true.
She made me happy.
And I had forgotten what that felt like.
Not that I would have considered myself unhappy before she arrived. I loved Bethany. We had fun together. I enjoyed working in the workshop. But the dull cloud of grief that had been hanging over me ever since Penelope left had lifted.
Life was good. And I wasn’t ready to give it up. I wasn’t ready to give Autumn up. Not yet. But being here tonight was bringing me face-to-face with the reality that I might have to.
I was pulled from my thoughts by Dexter and Hollie’s front door swinging open.
“What are you doing out here?” Hollie said. “I saw you skulking from the window.”
“Sorry,” I replied. “Just finishing off a few messages.” The lies had started already. “Am I late?”
“You’re always late,” she replied. “Come in and get warm. Thanks for letting Autumn get a sitter.”
“No problem,” I replied. “Sorry, I didn’t bring anything. I meant to stop and buy—”
“Gabriel, don’t even think about it. Having you here is all we want.”
I’d liked Hollie since the first time I’d met her. Dexter had been an idiot, obviously, and nearly let her slip through his fingers, but he’d figured it out in the end. It was obvious to anyone who saw them together that they simply adored each other. I’d never asked but sometimes I wondered if anyone had suspected all wasn’t well with my marriage. Had outsiders seen something I hadn’t? I tortured myself enough without knowing the answer to that question.
Everyone chorused hello from where they were already seated around Dexter and Hollie’s dining table. I swept my gaze across the room as I waved, trying not to catch Autumn’s eye, nodding at Tristan, Beck, and Joshua. “Hey, Stella,” I said, seeing Beck’s wife and going to give her a brief kiss on the cheek. If Autumn hadn’t been working for me—if we hadn’t been living together—I probably would have greeted her the same way. Tonight, I’d have to avoid all contact in case someone saw a lingering or too-familiar touch that would give us away. I needed to stay out of her way. I had to remind myself that I couldn’t just reach for her. Couldn’t just slide my hand around her waist. Couldn’t just smooth my thumb over her cheekbone and kiss her.