His brow furrowed as he searched her eyes. “Of course I would, baby. If I could change it, I could have you. Be the kind of man you deserve.”
She reached over and brushed a curl away from his forehead. “You already are.”
“Sam . . .”
She leaned over and pressed a soft kiss to his lips. “You said you panicked tonight. Tell me what made you able to keep going despite it.”
“I was determined not to safe out.”
“But you could’ve.”
His forehead wrinkled. “No. It wasn’t an option. I told myself it wasn’t an option.”
“So it was like you had no choice. Like you were truly my captive?”
She watched his expression change and shift as he worked through that. “Yeah. I guess so.”
“Force.” She traced a finger over the angle of his stubbled jaw, enjoying the chance to just touch him after keeping her distance for so long. “Does that usually play a role in your fantasies?”
His gaze flicked away briefly.
“Honesty, Gib.”
“Sam.”
“I know it’s hard. Believe me, it’s hard for me, too, especially considering what I’ve been through. But here’s my truth: I find force scenarios insanely hot.” The words fell out of her even though she’d never admitted that particular fantasy aloud before.
His attention immediately jumped back to her, surprise there.
She pressed on. “I felt that you were in that headspace tonight, and it was a huge turn-on. It’s why I did the video. I knew it was something you’d normally freak out over. When you didn’t safe out, I realized you were really all mine. I could do whatever the hell I wanted to you.”
Even in the dark, she could see his eyes dilate, his lips part. “I—”
“Does that turn you on? The thought of having no choice?”
He swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing. “You’re talking like rape fantasy stuff.”
“I am.” That was a little hard to admit aloud. The word rape had so many scary feelings attached to it. But the real act and the fantasy existed on different planets. And she wasn’t going to lie about the fantasy version having a whole hell of a lot of appe
al. “If you want this, I could force you. Take away your options.” Her hand slid down to his neck, his pulse beating hard there, matching her own pounding heart. “Take you down where others can see and force you out of the proverbial closet.”
Fear flashed over his face, but he covered the emotion quickly. “I’ve got at least fifty pounds on you, Sam. You can’t really force me to do anything.”
“Is that right?” She squeezed his neck with enough pressure to make him catch his breath. “Don’t underestimate me, Gib. That’s not a very smart thing to do.”
“I’m not,” he said, his voice a little choked from the pressure on his neck. “I’m just being realistic. If I freak out and fight, you’re not going to be able to subdue me.”
“Don’t be so sure.” She eased her grip on his neck and moved her mouth next to her ear. “Imagine being tied down good and tight, no escape, no word to save you. You’d be mine to play with, to hurt, to fuck.” She took a risk and went for the shame button that seemed to be a double-edged sword for him. “And other people would see. They’d see how helpless you were. How needy you’d be for my touch. How very at my mercy you’d be.”
He stiffened beneath her, a swift breath moving through him. “Fuck, Sam. I . . . that’s . . .”
She sat up and gave him a long look. When her gaze skated down his body, the sheets were prominently tented. He was terrified at the thought. And turned the hell on. That was all she needed to know. “I’m not asking you to make a decision right now. I’m just putting the idea out there, a possibility to consider. I could take away that anxiety for you in a brutal but effective way, Gib. Show you that you’re stronger than this fear. And once your secret’s out, it’s out.”
His eyes were wary, but she could tell what she’d said was knocking hard around his head. He cleared his throat. “I don’t know if I’m as strong as you think I am.”
“That’s the thing. I don’t think. I know you are. But I’m not the one who has to be convinced. I’m not the one who’d have to take that leap of faith and put that much trust in me.”
He let out a heavy sigh and ran a hand over his forehead, some of the heat that had flared between them going chilly. “I don’t know what to say, Sam. I just don’t think I can.”