“No, you do! I love you. I—”
“I’m sorry, Mace. I haven’t been fair to you. This isn’t going to work.”
“What?! No, you are not breaking up with me, Hunter Riley. The wedding is almost here, and I
’ve waited for you.” The pleading tone had left her voice and now she was pissed. “So get the hell over yourself and come home or let me come up there. You don’t get to break up with me like this. So I made a stupid mistake. So what? We love each other. We move past it.”
Each word was a jab to his chest, and though he was angry, he felt like the biggest shit for doing this to her. Without intending to, he’d used her. She’d been easy. Safe. His parents had already loved her and with her being a virgin, it had given him a way to avoid dealing with a side of himself he hadn’t wanted to think too hard about. But he’d only been going through the motions of being in a relationship with her. She was the type to orchestrate, to paint the picture how she wanted, and he’d let her place him where she wanted him. Exactly where he didn’t need to be. “I do care about you, Mace. But not like either of us deserves.”
“Shut up,” she said, tears in her voice now. “You’re just scared. You love me. I know you do.”
His shoulders felt like they were weighted down with boulders when he pulled in a breath and let it out. Now or never. The truth. “No. I’ve only loved one person that way in my life. And he’s not you. I’m sorry . . .”
“He?! Jesus H. Christ you’ve lost your mind. I’m coming up there—”
“Don’t bother. I won’t be here. We’ll talk soon. But I need some time.”
She started yelling incoherent things then, but he couldn’t have this conversation right now. He’d told her what she needed to know. It was shitty. He’d hurt her. But any drawn-out conversation would end with the same conclusion. He felt it in his gut. He was done. Had been for a long time even if he’d been too scared to admit it. He told her good-bye, doubting she heard it over her own voice, and hung up the phone.
When he finally looked up, Devon was standing there, pale shock marking every inch of his face.
That’s when Hunter realized exactly what he’d admitted right in front of Devon.
Well . . . shit.
Chapter 11
Hunter pushed off the wall, turned his back on Devon, and went into the hotel suite. He’d told Macy the truth because she deserved it, but the confession had slipped out before he’d considered the consequences of Devon hearing it, too. Bone-deep exhaustion moved through him. “Maybe you should go.”
There was a long, quiet minute, and Hunter thought maybe Devon had just walked right back out. But then Devon’s voice came to life with the force of a thunderclap. “Go? Oh, is that what you think? You burst into my restaurant tonight. End an engagement right in front of me. Declare to someone else that you used to love me and then kick me out so you can get hammered and wallow? Screw you, Hunt. You don’t get to do that.”
Hunter rubbed a hand over his forehead, his heartbeat pounding at his temples. “You don’t owe me anything, Dev. You don’t have to sit here and deal with my mess.”
“I can’t believe all these goddamned years.” A hard shove came from behind him as Devon knocked him forward a step. “You fucking loved me?”
Hunter cringed, still not turning around to look at him. “Pathetic, right? You think you’re helping a straight guy figure himself out, and I fucking get feelings.”
Devon gave a frustrated growl and grabbed Hunter’s arm, spinning him around with surprising strength considering how much broader Hunter was than him. “I really want to punch you right now.”
“Do it,” Hunter said flatly. He’d actually welcome the pain. Maybe it’d distract him from his life burning up around him.
For a second, Dev looked like he might throw a swing, but then he held his arms out to his sides. “Why didn’t you say something back then?”
Hunter scoffed. “Because up until that last night, I still didn’t understand whether the feelings I had for you were best friend feelings or if it went beyond that. My head was all over the place. I knew our friendship had been changed forever, that we couldn’t go back. I knew I thought about you way too much. But I also knew that whatever I felt for you didn’t matter anyway because something more between us would be doomed from the start.”
“Why?”
“Because I didn’t have the guts to be open about it. You—the guy who had given up everything so that he could be exactly who he was—would have to fucking hide things for me. No way was I going to do that to you just because of my family’s shit. Plus, you were anti-relationship. I knew you didn’t want that kind of thing. You were just helping me figure shit out. I would’ve looked liked a jackass if I had made some big I’m-in-love-with-you speech.”
“Oh? You knew exactly what I did and didn’t want, huh? You were a mind reader in your spare time, too?” Devon asked, sarcasm dripping off his words.
Hunter’s lips clamped shut.
Devon shook his head, a sound of disgust escaping him. “You had no clue what I was thinking or feeling back then. No. Clue. You know how many potential relationships you’ve ruined for me, you idiot? Not just back then but since then. I didn’t date for a reason. Every time I got close to someone, all I did was compare them to you. And they never measured up.” He looked at the ceiling, like it pained him to say the words. “They still haven’t.”
Hunter blinked. “What?”
Devon lowered his head, meeting Hunter’s gaze, resignation there. “You were my best friend for a reason. I loved you way before we ever touched each other. And I thought that was enough, had accepted that it’s all we could ever be. But then when things changed, I got a taste of how much more might be there, and I was a goddamned goner. What we had between us wasn’t something you find every day—or every lifetime. It freaked me out. And then you were gone. Poof. Before I could even figure it all out myself, you disappeared and all I was left with was this big fucking hole in my life. It physically hurts to be in the same room with you right now because now I remember exactly how much I lost.”