“My pleasure. And don’t give tonight another thought.” He rubbed her arm with the backs of his knuckles. “I’m not. You are so goddamned gorgeous. And sexy. And strong. When I walk out there with you tonight, all I’m going to be thinking about is how fucking proud I am to be with you.”
She kept her eyes tightly shut, the words pulling emotional strings she didn’t want tugged, and forced her breathing into a deep, regular pattern. Maybe if Wyatt thought she’d fallen asleep she wouldn’t have to face the very real fact that she was beginning to love this man.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
Wyatt rolled over lazily, reaching across the bed and seeking Kelsey’s warmth, but only ended up with a handful of empty sheets. Swallowing back a sigh, he grabbed his glasses off the bedside table and slipped them on, blinking in the bright afternoon light of the cabana. Even though he’d already confirmed she wasn’t there, he looked to the vacant side of the bed again. A little pang of disappointment went through him. Even after these days together, Kelsey still couldn’t seem to stay sleeping next to him—not even for a simple nap.
She’d either get up in the middle of the night or super early in the morning and slip out. Some mornings he’d found her outside on the deck writing in what he’d deciphered was a journal or he’d find her dozing on the couch in the living room. He hadn’t called her out on her nightly escapes, knowing she’d go into combat mode if he questioned her. But he’d hoped that as she grew used to him, she would feel comfortable enough to truly share his bed.
He rolled back to stare up at the ceiling. Kelsey was still running. He’d told her on the plane that he wasn’t trying to catch her, but maybe she’d sensed that it’d been a lie—even if he had believed it himself at the time. Whether he wanted to acknowledge it or not, he’d been hunting her for months. Every day he went into that cafe had been one more step in a chase he hadn’t realized he was on. And now he had her right there in his grasp, but each time he thought he had a good handle on her, she’d dissipate like fog through his fingers.
You can only have this little piece of me for a while. Every subtle step she took backward repeated those words to him. And he’d thought that would be enough for him. He, of all people, shouldn’t want to poke too deep into the psyche of the woman he was with, especially one who was waging war with so many old monsters. But the more and more time he spent with Kelsey, the more he knew in his gut that she was nothing like Mia.
Mia had been fragile from the moment he met her, emotions swinging from one end of the spectrum to the other at a rate impossible to predict. Wyatt had been young, and after not exactly walking into college with a ton of experience with women, she’d seemed like some exotic bird. Wild. Rebellious. Daring. Everything he wasn’t supposed to date. The attraction had been too hard to resist. She’d pursued him, and he’d been a willing target. After just a few casual dates, she’d brought him to a play party at one of the professor’s houses off campus. He’d had no idea what he was getting into or where that introduction would lead. But a year later, he’d found himself in a full-time D/s relationship with Mia.
It’d been both the best and worst time of his life. He’d experienced highs he’d never thought himself capable of reaching and then lows filled with all the anxiety that came along with having someone else’s well-being in his hands. He’d been pompous enough to think he could help balance Mia, soften her destructive edges. But the more he gave her, the more she wanted. He went down the path willingly with her—the light stuff they started with eventually progressing into heavy pain play, long-lasting marks, humiliation. Some of it he’d been into, some of it he did simply because he knew it was what she craved. The darkness of it all had been both frightening and enticing.
But when he started to see Mia’s moods dip to more dangerous depths, he’d told her he was backing off until she talked to someone. As her master, he’d commanded it. And she’d listened . . . for a while. But then right when it seemed like things were getting better with her mood, she began to make more demands on his time, to develop a neediness that had never been there before. He’d been in the thick of his graduate program at the time and couldn’t afford to be with her every second. So she called him with emergencies all the time, pulling him out of class. When that stopped working, she went after the jealousy card.
The day before she took the pills, she’d called him in class again, telling him he’d regret it if he ignored her this time. He’d shown up at her apartment and the place had reeked of sex, booze, and cologne that wasn’t his. Two guys he’d never seen before had been passed out in her bed, naked. She’d been wildly apologetic, of course, but he’d heard the threat she was trying to convey. Leave me alone, and I’ll make you pay for it. Then she’d begged him to punish her for her transgressions—right there, with those two fucking guys sleeping in her bed.
In that moment, he’d realized he had become a pawn in some elaborate game he no longer wanted to play. He knew that something had tilted way off kilter within Mia and suspected that he had played a hand in it. He’d taken a fragile girl into a world of mindfucking, a world built only for the strong.
But he’d been so livid that night. He loved her and she’d fucked two strangers just to get attention. He couldn’t handle it, and he’d put an end to it right there. She’d grabbed at him, begged him not to leave, had told him she’d take whatever punishment he wanted to give her.
He’d pried her off him and had given her the punishment he knew would hurt her the worst—space.
Two days later he’d gone back to her apartment, worried that she hadn’t made any attempts to contact him. And he’d found her in bed, an empty pill bottle on the floor and a note tucked into it. There is no space for me in this world anymore.
Wyatt scrubbed his hands over his face as he lay in bed, the memory like a sack of rocks pressing on his chest. His brother was the only one who he’d ever told the whole story to. And Jace had told Wyatt that he wasn’t to blame, that Mia clearly had some underlying mental issues that led her to suicide. Logically, Wyatt recognized that, but in his heart he knew exactly what had pushed her over the edge. That note left no doubt. He should’ve never walked out and left her alone when she was in such a frantic state. Even if he’d wanted to end the relationship, it was his responsibility to make sure she was safe.
And he’d never ever wanted to take on that kind of responsibility for someone again. But these last few days with Kelsey had lit up old, shadowed parts inside him, showing him a glimpse of how D/s could feel when shared with someone who could handle herself. Kelsey worried that she was weak and vulnerable to her old addictions. But Wyatt saw nothing but strength within her.
The girl had fought her way out of a life that few ever escaped, had been raped and tortured, hunted by gang members. Yet each time, she’d picked herself up and moved forward, always with a goal in mind. Alcohol had been abundant on this trip so far, and she’d barely spared it a glance. Even today, she’d probably faced one of the most embarrassing situations anyone could think of when she’d walked into that group of women, yet she wasn’t curled in a ball crying about it. She’d simply moved forward again. Shake it off. Form a new plan. That seemed to be how she handled everything.
And that’s what made being with her so damn fantastic and different from anything he’d experienced before. She didn’t need him to be her caretaker. That heavy weight that had been constantly present in his and Mia’s relationship wasn’t there. Kelsey’s submission wasn’t a desire to give over responsibility of her life. Instead it was a mutual exchange between them. They both fed off each other. Balanced.
She didn’t need a hero to save her. She’d already saved herself. And maybe had even saved him. He hadn’t felt this happy and carefree since . . . well, ever, really.
But it was clear that she didn’t see that side of herself. She feared really feeling things. He could see it mar her afterglow every time they made love. The sex would open her up, and then the moment would cool and the guard rails would snap back in place. He’d let her get away with it because he’d promised he wouldn’t hurt her, wouldn’t give her the impression he could give her something he couldn’t. But his resolve on that front was about as strong as tinfoil now.
When Wyatt had seen her with Kade Vandergriff that first night, he’d been jealous and hadn’t liked the vision of his future without her in it. No, his life wasn’t set up for a girlfriend, but who the fuck created that jam-packed schedule? He did. Would the company fold if he ended his day at six instead of ten? Would the world stop spinning if he took a Saturday off? Obviously, no mushroom cloud had appeared in the distance when he’d stopped calling work earlier in the week.
Plus, he hadn’t felt this relaxed, this fucking good in longer than he could remember. And he knew that state had nothing to do with the beach vacation and everything to do with the blonde who’d snuck out of this bed a little while ago.
The girl who didn’t want to be caught.
He couldn’t bait Kelsey with a promise that if she let her walls down things would definitely work out, that this could actually become something. He didn’t have a crystal ball. The life they’d return to after this trip was much more complicated than lazy island days. But maybe there was some way he could show her that being open to the possibility was an option.Author: Roni Loren
But he’d learned the hard way that words scared her. Earlier, she’d agreed to another few weeks with him, and he’d wanted to tell her he didn’t want a time limit on it, but he’d bit his tongue. His few slipups before now had sent her scampering. Words wouldn’t do it. Action. That’s what she couldn’t help responding to. Lucky for her, action was exactly what he had in mind this afternoon.
He pushed the covers aside and climbed out of bed. After a quick trip to the bathroom to brush his teeth and wash his face, he pulled on a pair of shorts and went to search for Kelsey. Her key was still sitting on the dresser so he doubted she’d left the cabana. He headed toward the living room, expecting to find her napping on the couch, but the room was empty.
However, when he glanced toward the glass doors that led to their private deck and the view of the beach, he saw a flash of painted toenails peeking off the edge of one of the loungers. Smiling, he made his way across the living room and slid open the door. But what greeted him on the other side of the glass damn near knocked him back inside. Kelsey had her face tilted toward the sky, a pair of big sunglasses and a hat shielding her, and a paperback had been set on a side table. But the hat and sunglasses were all she wore. Laid out in the dappled sunlight that peeked through the surrounding palms, her breathing in the even tempo of sleep, Kelsey was blessedly naked, adorned only by tan lines.
Christ. A rattle of hard, pounding need went through him.
Her skin gleamed golden in the late-afternoon rays, her nipples were hard from the kiss of the breeze coming off the water, and her legs were parted just enough to let him see her pretty pink folds and the lavender base of the anal plug peeking out. He went hard as steel in the space between seconds.