The reaction, though not shocking, was like a rusty knife twisting into her chest. She managed a derisive smirk. “Exactly my point.”
“Charli.” He sat up on his elbows.
She rolled fully away from him, wrapping the sheet around her breasts. “Don’t even bother, Grant. I don’t need the speech. This is not your fault. It’s mine. You never pretended this was anything different than what it is.”Author: Roni Loren
“That’s not—”
“I’m falling in love with you and you can’t even kiss me,” she said, cutting him off. “How stupid am I? I knew better and did it anyway.”
He reached out for her, turning her back toward him. “Charli.”
She shrugged away from his touch, feeling as if her emotions were being held together with duct tape. One wrong move and she’d bust wide open. “Please don’t. Don’t coddle me. And don’t pretend you weren’t just going to lie here until I fell asleep so you can go sleep on the couch.”
His gaze shifted sideways, confirming her suspicion.
“Look, I get it, okay? You’re used to separating your emotions from this kind of arrangement. I’m just another woman who enjoys what you do in bed.” She pulled in a deep breath, refusing to let any tears fall, refusing to crack in front of him. “But I don’t have that kind of practice. Every time we’re together, it breaks down another piece of me, strips away another row of fencing. And after tonight, the defenses are downright decimated. Nothing is left standing. Hell, I’ve even found myself entertaining thoughts of what it’d be like to be a real submissive to you. To not just play the game.”
He lifted his eyes, his surprise evident. “You’re not just another woman. And I would take you on as my submissive in a second, Charli. But you deserve more than what I’m capable of giving. You wouldn’t be happy.”
She shook her head, sadness filtering through her like oil spilling into the ocean, blackening everything, tainting it. “You know what? You’re right, cowboy. I’ve spent my whole life being everyone’s second best. I certainly don’t intend to play that role in my love life as well.”
“You wouldn’t be…” But he clearly couldn’t finish the sentence. He scrubbed a hand over his face.
“Go sleep on the couch, Grant,” she said, resignation weighing down her words. “That’s where you were going to end up tonight anyway.”
She turned over in bed, putting her back to him and hiding the anguish that smothered her. Her bedroom door clicked shut a few seconds later, leaving her alone—a state she’d always been comfortable with.
Until now.
Somehow she had a feeing nothing would ever feel comfortable again.
TWENTY-SEVEN
Grant sipped his coffee, keeping his eyes on a booth on the other side of the Southern Pancake Hut. The place was hopping with customers, and the rattle of dishes and clinking forks was enough to block out any hope that he’d be able to hear Charli’s conversation with her source. Not that he really needed to hear anything. He could see her face in profile from his perch and would be able to read her expression. If anything went wrong, she’d be able to alert him.
He set down his coffee mug, the smell of it mixing with the bacon and eggs he’d ordered. He shoved aside his untouched plate, the thought of food making his stomach revolt. Between the sick feeling his conversation with Charli had incited last night and the fact that he’d been unable to sleep, he felt as scrambled as the eggs on his plate.
She’d been like a stranger this morning. Her words had been polite, to the point, and all about the plan today. He was officially looking at her from outside the castle walls now. His visitor’s pass had been revoked—and rightly so. She’d called herself his second best last night, and he hadn’t even stood up and denied it.
He fingered the platinum wedding band he always wore on his right hand, the smooth metal suddenly feeling more like a shackle than a comfort. Why couldn’t he just push past the fear and kiss her? Tell her that he had feelings for her, too?
He’d gotten off the couch a few times last night intending to do just that. But then reality would wallop him in the face. He could do that, but then what? Charli was fiercely independent and a daredevil to boot. The first time she announced that she was going skydiving or something, he’d want to lock her in his cabin until he could convince her otherwise. And besides her risk taking, she could easily decide one day to simply walk away. The thought of loving and losing someone again…
He rubbed a palm over the back of his neck, sweat starting to gather there. He wouldn’t survive it. No, this had to be the way it went. Ending things was best for both of them.
Movement near Charli’s table caught his eye, yanking him from his morose thoughts. The man Charli had been interviewing shook her hand and stood. Charli was nodding, obviously thanking him, and then waved him off when he attempted to pay for breakfast. Her gaze shot Grant’s way for a brief second. He could almost feel the energy vibrating off of her. She’d gotten her story. Good girl.
The guy left the restaurant, and Charli sat back down, making more notes. She glanced his way and discreetly gave him the signal for five minutes, disguising it as trying to get the waitress’s attention for a refill. They had agreed not to interact in the restaurant on the off chance anyone was watching. They’d even taken separate vehicles as an added precaution.
He made one final visual sweep of the restaurant, making note of any patrons that seemed to be paying particular attention to Charli. But most customers had other people with them. The few loners seemed more interested in their laptops and cell phones than anything else. So Grant tossed a few bills on the table and swigged the last of his coffee. Then he slipped out the door to go scan the parking lot and make sure there was no one waiting for Charli to leave.
After quickly walking by her rental car and checking that nothing looked amiss, he made his way to his truck where he had a straight-shot view of the entrance of the restaurant. He kept the door unlocked in case he had to act quickly like the last time he’d watched her from afar. Hopefully, today wouldn’t be a repeat of that nightmare. But at least this time, he’d be more prepared.
If he could get her past the next few days, she’d be able to relax a bit. Once her story broke, there’d be no reason for anyone to keep working so hard on keeping her quiet. At least that’s what he hoped. Regardless, he wouldn’t leave her unprotected anytime soon. Even if she no longer wanted him in her life, he had friends he could pay to keep guard for a while.
And he’d definitely get an alarm system installed for her.
An alarm. Before he could stop it from happening, the unwanted memories filled his head, like old friends you couldn’t close the door on.