“You’re okay,” I murmured, as I hugged him fiercely. The heat radiating off him was as intense as a flame and had pinpricks of sweat breaking out across my body in an instant. I didn’t care. He was here, he was whole, and that was all that mattered for now. “I’m so glad you’re okay.”
“So am I,” he replied, voice cracking with emotion and weariness. His arms briefly tightened around my waist; then he pulled back.
I released him somewhat reluctantly. His face was thin, his cheeks hollowed, and his body—which had always been wolf lean—was now whip thin. It was almost as if the elemental had melted every single ounce of fat from his body, leaving only muscle, bone, and skin. “What happened? How did you get here?”
He hesitated, glancing around at the kitchen, then said, “Why don’t we take this outside?”
I waved him ahead of me, and we headed for the rear of the kitchen and the door out into the lane. The air was cool, thick with the smell of the nearby rubbish and an oncoming storm.
He swung around and crossed his arms, tension evident in the set of his shoulders. “Did I hurt Stane?”
My eyebrows rose. “Of course not,” I said, surprised. “Why would you—”
I hesitated, remembering what Stane had said about being thrown across the room, and Tao smiled grimly. “So I did attack him?”
“Not really. And you certainly didn’t hurt him.”
He swore and thrust a shaky hand through his hair. “But I so easily could have. I have no memory of leaving Stane’s, Risa. No memory of anything until I woke up in the middle of that damn forest where the thing inside me was created.”
“At least you did wake up. It hasn’t won the battle yet, Tao.”
I took a step toward him, but stopped when he retreated. He must have caught the instinctive flash of surprise and hurt that ran through me, because he grimaced and said, “Sorry, it’s just—” He stopped. “I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t want to hurt anyone.”
“Then why come here?” Azriel asked softly from behind me. “If you are worried about control, is not the kitchen the worst place you could be right now?”
It was a question that had echoed through me, as well, but one I’d been afraid to give voice to.
Tao didn’t immediately reply. He simply stared almost blindly at the two of us, then made an abrupt, chopping motion with his hand. “No, it’s not. It’s a compromise. A kitchen has enough heat to keep the elemental satisfied while still allowing me some degree of control.”
“The last time you were in the kitchen, the heat made you lose control,” I said, trying to keep my voice even. “I really think—”
“Then don’t think,” he snapped. “You know nothing about the thing inside of me, Risa. None of us have any idea what will or won’t work when it comes to control—or even if control is possible.”
“Which is why—”
“No,” he said, his eyes bleeding heat, with sparks of flame shooting from his fingertips. “It needs heat and I want to survive. I don’t want to hurt anyone, but I also do not want to spend the rest of my life playing solitaire in some godforsaken forest. There has to be some compromise everyone can live with.”
“I agree.” I somehow managed to keep my voice calm, despite the turmoil and fear surging through me. It wasn’t the Tao I knew and loved speaking right now. It was a desperate stranger—a fiery combination of elemental and wolf, both of whom were struggling to meld and survive. “There has to be a compromise. But until we find it, you can’t be here. You can’t jeopardize the safety of both our employees and our customers.”
He began to pace, his strides long, angry. “The only way I’m going to maintain any sense of normality is to keep doing what I’ve always done. And that means working. I have to do it, Risa. I can’t not do it.”
“And until you gain control of the elemental, I can’t let you in the kitchen.”
He stopped and stared at me. It wasn’t a pleasant stare. It was angry, alien, and filled with fire. It bled from him, filling the air with the threat of an inferno. I clenched my fists and resisted the urge to back away from him. Tao wouldn’t hurt me; I’d believed that from the very beginning and I still believed it, despite growing evidence to the contrary.
You may believe it all you want, Azriel commented. But that does not make it a truth you should entrust your life to.
Shield will, Amaya commented. Flames not touch.
That, Azriel said, mental tones little more than a growl, is not the point.
Point, Amaya growled. I protect.
I couldn’t help smiling. My sword had never been afraid to throw a little attitude around, but it surprised me that she so readily flung it at Azriel. I said, He hasn’t lost control yet.
Even if he was very obviously close.
The only safe place for him to be is the sacred site the elemental keeps going back to, Azriel said. I’ll take him there by force if I have to.