“Well, if you don’t like staying with me, I can get you an airline ticket. I’m sure your mother would enjoy the visit—”
“No!”
Jax glanced her way. She pressed her lips together, feeling stupid for reacting so strongly. If she wasn’t careful Jax would start asking questions—questions she didn’t want to answer. Once he knew what she’d done—the irreparable damage she was responsible for—it’d only confirm his decision that she was not worthy of his attention. She couldn’t bear to have him look at her the way her mother had done.
“I can’t go back there. Hope Springs is in my past.”
“And does that include your family?”
She shrugged. A mix of feelings churned in her stomach, making her nauseous.
“What’s going on, Cleo? Your family used to mean everything to you. Now you’ll do anything to send them money, but you balk at the mention of visiting them.”
His voice was soft and soothing, inviting her confidence. Still, she worried about what he’d think of her once he knew.
“Cleo, I’m concerned about you. Something serious is going on. And if you won’t give me the answers then I’ll have to go to Kurt for the truth—”
“No!” Her fingers twisted together. “Don’t do that. I—I’ll tell you.”
He had her between a rock and a hard place and she hated it. Dredging up these painful memories would be torture. And for the first time to speak them out loud would just make what happened so fresh in her mind.
While living in Las Vegas, she’d been able to pretend that things were okay. To colleagues, she’d act as though she had a loving family missing her back in Wyoming. She was able to bluff her way through most days, but not today.
Maybe it would do her some good. Getting it off her chest might help. For so long now she’d been choking down the anger and hurt. She drew in a deep breath to steady her nerves.
“Things haven’t been the same since my father died.”
Jax cleared his throat. “Your brother mentioned that there’d been som
e drama at your father’s funeral, but he didn’t go into details and I didn’t push. I figured he’d tell me if he wanted me to know.”
“It was all about me.” The weight of guilt settled on her chest. “The funeral was...was my fault...”
“What?” Jax pulled off the side of the deserted roadway and put the vehicle in Park. “Cleo, you aren’t making any sense.”
His face started to blur behind a wall of unshed tears. She blinked repeatedly. “It’s my fault that my father died.”
“How? Weren’t you living here in Las Vegas at the time?”
“I’d just moved here.” She inhaled a steadying breath. “I was on the phone with him and we were arguing. I didn’t know at the time that he was in the pickup, transporting a mare he’d bought in hopes of luring me home. I might not like working around the ranch, but I still have a big soft spot for horses and he knew it.”
Jax didn’t say anything. He just reached out and squeezed her hand, allowing her to proceed at her own pace. This was something she’d never shared with anyone...ever.
Somehow it seemed fitting that she turned to Jax. He wasn’t as close to the situation as her family and yet he wasn’t so distant, either.
Cleo inhaled a steadying breath. “He kept telling me to come home. He was always going on about how much my mother missed me, but I didn’t want to hear it. I was so stubborn. So determined that everything had to be my way. I was finally away from that suppressive atmosphere and making decisions for myself. I didn’t want to go back and marry one of the locals. It might be the right life for some people...but not me.”
The backs of her eyes smarted as a tear spilled onto her cheek. She dashed it away. This wasn’t the time to fall apart. She needed to get through this. After all, Jax deserved to know what sort of woman he was putting his neck on the line to protect.
“No one can blame you—”
“But they do. And they should. If only I hadn’t fought with him...he wouldn’t have died.”
“You don’t know that.” He placed a finger beneath her chin and lifted her face to meet his gaze. “And you can’t live your life according to someone else’s wishes. At some point you have to stand your ground.”
She shook her head. “Sometimes the price is just too steep.”
He gave her hand a squeeze. She drew strength from his touch.