She had absolutely no illusions about this cooking adventure turning out to be anything but a disaster. Still, it was sweet that Jackson wanted to help her. She just hated the thought of disappointing him.
* * *
Why exactly did he elect himself to teach Serena to cook?
Because it was easier than discussing his background. That was one thing about June, she never prodded him for answers. But Serena was the exact opposite. She was most definitely the curious sort. He wasn’t sure how to deal with her.
For so long now, he’d been fine with leaving the past alone. But being around Serena had him reexamining his life. It all made him uncomfortable. The more he thought about things, the more he questioned his choices.
He didn’t like the uneasiness filling him. Before he’d arrived in Austria, he’d had a plan—a focus. His life was to revolve around his work. Now he didn’t know if that was the right path for him.
What he needed now was to get away from here—away from Serena. He’d be able to think clearly and he could go back to—to what? His lonely condo in New York? His workaholic tendencies?
No matter what his life may be lacking, it was better than the alternative—loving and losing. Once down that road was enough for him. He was better off alone.
He shoved all these thoughts and questions into the box at the back of his mind. Tomorrow his camera crew would arrive. And he doubted that his life would ever intersect Serena’s again. Although, the thought of not seeing her again settled heavy in his chest.
“Where do I start?” Serena’s voice jarred him from his thoughts.
“You’ll need to rinse the shrimp under some water and remove the tails. And while you do that, I’ll put on a pot of water for the pasta.”
He couldn’t believe that no one had ever taken the time to teach her to cook. He felt bad for her. It made him wonder what kind of a childhood she’d had.
“Were you left alone a lot as a child?” The question was out of his mouth before he realized that it was none of his business. He placed the pot on the burner and turned the heat to high. “Never mind, you don’t have to answer that.”
She glanced over at him. “Is this my friend Jackson asking or is it Jackson Bennett, king of the morning shows, who wants to know?”
Ouch! That comment hurt more than he was expecting. “I promise nothing you share with me will show up on my show or in the press. I’d like to be your friend.”
She rinsed off another handful of colossal shrimp and set them aside before she turned back to him. “I’d like that. It’s just that I never had anyone in my life that I could completely trust.”
“That must have been rough.”
She shrugged. “I dealt with it. I learned pretty quick that I could only count on myself.”
“Still, that’s not right. A kid should have someone to turn to—someone to rely on.”
Serena arched a brow. “Are we talking about me or you?”
Jackson realized that he’d let his emotions get away from him. It was just that he felt a strong connection with Serena. It was something that he’d never felt with June or anyone else in his life.
He cleared his throat. “Why don’t I give you a hand?”
He moved next to her at the sink and started removing the tails of the shrimp. Why did he keep opening himself up to her? He knew better. The real Jackson Bennett was a man with flaws and scars. He would never add up to the vision she gained from watching him on television.
Serena was used to men who had it all together—looks, careers and charisma. He was the shell of the man he used to be. Cancer had more victims than those carrying the disease. It could suck life right out of the people around it—grinding hopes and dreams into smithereens. And sometimes leaving in its wake a broken person.
“Do you cook a lot?” Serena asked.
He shrugged as he swallowed hard. “As much as I can. It’s the only way I’ve found to make sure that I fit into my suits.” He reached for a couple cloves of garlic. “Eating out is tempting, but then I start putting on the pounds that I can’t lose even when I go to the gym.”
“I totally get that. They say the camera puts on ten pounds but that was before high definition. Now it adds fifteen pounds and amplifies any wrinkles or blemishes. So if you can show me an easier way to watch the scale, I’m all for it.”
Jackson placed a clove of garlic on a cutting board. He showed her how to put the flat side of a chef’s knife on the clove and with her palm press down on it to remove the skin. She did the same with the other clove. Then Serena minced the garlic before chopping some fresh parsley and tomatoes that they’d picked up at the market.
“Jackson?”
He’d just added butter to the skillet. “Yes?”