Page 44 of Payment in Love

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agine what it would be like to live with him properly and share his life.

She glanced at Mrs Evans. The older woman did look white and tired. On impulse, Heather offered to go upstairs and bring down a couple of Kyle’s sleeping tablets.

‘I’m sure he won’t mind, and they should ensure that you get at least one good night’s sleep.’

‘Well, if you’re sure he won’t mind. I don’t like bothering the doctor. Not at this time of year. Well, they get so busy, don’t they?’

‘I’m sure Kyle won’t mind at all,’ Heather assured her. ‘I won’t be a minute.’

She brought the whole bottle down. Mrs Evans was ready and waiting to leave, but as Heather uncapped the bottle the phone rang. As she picked it up, the bottle slipped from her fingers, the tablets scattering all over the sitting-room floor.

‘Don’t worry about them. I’ll pick them up later,’ she mouthed to Mrs Evans, offering her two from the few that still remained in the bottle.

She took them with a smile and mouthed back, ‘I’ll let myself out. Have a good Christmas.’

Kyle had already given Mrs Evans her Christmas bonus. Once she had gone, Heather concentrated on listening to her mother, who had rung to tell her how well her father was doing.

‘I miss you,’ Heather confessed. ‘Christmas won’t be the same without you.’

A little to her chagrin, her mother made no reply, and said instead, ‘How’s Kyle? I’ve been worrying about him. He works far too hard.’

‘He’s working this morning, but he should be back soon.’

No sooner had she replaced the receiver than the milkman arrived. Kyle had given her an envelope for him which she had left upstairs. As she raced up to get it she heard Kyle’s car arrive. While she paid the milkman at the back door, she heard Kyle come in and walk into the sitting-room.

She had just closed the back door when she heard him call her name, and she froze at the sound of harsh anguish that filled the hallway.

Unable to move, she heard him rush upstairs, still calling her name. He sounded like a man demented by the possibility of some unimaginable grief.

Like a sleep-walker, she went into the hall.

‘Kyle, I’m here.’

For a moment she thought he hadn’t heard her, and then he stopped and turned. ‘Oh, my God, are you all right?’

She was standing at the bottom of the stairs when he reached her, and she could feel his whole body shuddering as he wrapped his arms around her.

‘Heather, Heather, you little fool. Were you really so desperate to escape from me? How many have you taken?’

She stepped back from him. He shook her violently.

‘How many, Heather, damn you? Oh God, I don’t know if I can go through this again! Once in one lifetime’s enough for any man. Come with me.’

He was dragging her towards the door before she managed to speak.

‘Kyle, please stop. I haven’t done anything. I’m not trying to escape from you.’ She glanced into the sitting-room and saw the spilled tablets. ‘Oh, heavens, I forgot about those. I’d better pick them up.’

‘You forgot?’

She heard the tormented sound of his voice, and knew then exactly what he had feared. Her own face went almost white as his.

‘You thought that I…?’ Her eyes rounded with shocked realisation. ‘Oh, Kyle, no…Mrs Evans hasn’t been sleeping. I gave her two. They spilled out of the bottle. You surely didn’t think that I…?’

‘Why not?’ he accused roughly. ‘You did it once before.’

‘That was a mistake!’ Her anguished cry silenced them both. They faced each other like two adversaries.

‘You try to end your own life and almost succeed, and you call that a mistake? For God’s sake, Heather, have you any idea how I felt that night when I came back and found you; when I realised that if I hadn’t… Have you any idea of what it did to me to know that I was the one who had driven you to that state?’ He shook his head, as though trying to ward off bad memories.


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