After we fill our plates, I take slow, deliberate bites, my focus on the food. Even though it’s delicious, my stomach churns, the nerves giving me cramps in my side. I’m such a coward for avoiding eye contact with Corey. Or conversation, for that matter. He deserves better than this, especially from me, of all people.
Years of friendship and love have afforded him more than I’m able to give him. If only things were simpler, more like when we first started dating. It was easier back then. We had no worries in the world other than finishing high school. Everything was perfect.
“Meet me in the barn after dinner,” he says against the shell of my ear, and I shudder from his breath on my skin.
Unable to get out the words, I nod, and he relaxes at my side.
I knew this was coming. Maybe it’s best if we get it over sooner than later, instead of dragging this on forever. Corey waited for me, no doubt stayed single the entire time I was at school. And what did I do? Had sex with not one but two guys, even though it wasn’t intentional. Still, I feel so much shame for what happened with Tucker and Trent.
Dinner continues with my father telling stories about some of the people sitting at the table with us. It’s his way of giving thanks to the men and women who bust their asses to ensure the farm is up and running. My mother boasts about my acceptance into Kappa Delta, telling her friends how proud she is that I decided to follow in her footsteps.
Each conversation seems to blend with the next, and I offer a fake smile and minimal words, doing my best to keep my shit together in front of everyone. My hands shake from the waves of anxiety shooting through my veins. I swear my heart is beating so loud Corey can hear it. If he can, he hasn’t said a word. In fact, he hasn’t spoken to me since he asked me to meet him in the barn after dinner.
Once the men retire to the living room to sip after dinner whiskey, I slip out the back door, desperate to get this over with. The barn is deathly quiet, the only sound coming from the broken door at the other end of the structure, which creeks from the cool breeze.
Concealed in darkness, save for the sliver of moonlight filtering through the cracks in the walls, I stroll down the aisle, in search of Rocky, the Stallion my father purchased before I left for school. After my horse, Athena, had gotten sick and died, I couldn’t bear to replace her. But I would still help Corey feed the horses and brush their manes.
I stop in front of Rocky’s stall and rest my hands on the top of the wooden door. “Hey, boy. Did you miss me?”
Without hesitation, Rocky comes over and dips his head for me to pet his neck and ears. He likes it when I rub behind his ears. Most of our horses can’t stand to be touched there, but Rocky has always liked it. He bows his head like a dog and neighs in appreciation.
“I guess you did,” I say to him. “I missed you, too.”
“How about me?” Corey’s deep voice booms behind me. “Because it doesn’t seem like you even want me here.”
Dammit.
I release my hold on Rocky and spin around to face Corey. My eyes don’t meet his at first, and when they do, guilt washes over me.
I transferred to Strickland University to test the waters. Corey knew meeting other guys was a possibility. How do I tell him about Trent and Tucker? He’ll never look at me the same again if I do. “That’s not true,” I say, in a hushed tone.
He stops in front of me, his big body blocking my path. Corey still has the same strong shoulders and muscular physique as when he played high school football, except now he’s bigger and leaner, his body filled out more from working on the farm.
“After all this time apart, you can at least give me a hug or act like you know me.”
I throw my arms around his middle, and he pulls me into his chest, squeezing me so tight I can barely breathe. Even though I haven’t had a second to think about missing him, he sure as hell did me. Now, I feel even guiltier about forgetting about him, pushing him to the back of my mind, to the dark recess where I store things I want to ignore.
“I made my decision,” I whisper as he releases his hold on me. “I can’t accept your proposal, Corey.”
The darkness does nothing to conceal his disappointment. A cross between a scowl and a frown marks his handsome face, tugs at the corners of his mouth. Instead of his usual laugh lines, the ones I used to trace with my fingers, his lips are pursed, his jaw clenched so tight it could snap.