Oh. Well, that wasn’t what she’d expected. “Here.” Toni handed Shell the two glasses. Carry these, and I’ll get the snacks. Couch is through there,” she said, pointing to the den. “So, you know a lot of the Hell’s Handlers well then?”
Instead of answering, Shell sipped her drink. Her eyes closed and she tilted her head back, letting out a little moan of pleasure. “Oh man, that’s good. I need more of these in my life.”
Toni chuckled. Befriending Shell was a breeze.
“I’ve known them my whole life. My dad was in the club until he was killed when I was a teen. It’s a family more than anything else, so my mom and I were taken care of by the club members even after he died.”
“You said just about all of them.” Toni lowered herself to the couch and propped her feet on a giant square ottoman before sipping her drink. Shell was right. More margaritas were necessary in her life as well.
“What?” Confusion had Shell’s eyebrows drawing down and her lips curling in.
“You said you saw just about all of them as brothers. That means there’s someone you don’t see as a brother.” It was Toni’s turn to smirk. “Come on, talk to Mama.”
She thought she’d get a smile, maybe a laugh out of Shell, but instead the other woman lost some of her light. “Copper,” she said with a heavy sigh. “Not like it’s a secret. Pretty much everyone in town knows I’ve been pining away for him since I was a kid.”
“Copper, seriously? The giant one with the beard and the eyes that look like they could fry you on the spot? He kinda scares the snot out of me.”
A sad smile tilted Shell’s lips. “He’s not one to cross, that’s for sure. But that’s just one side of him.” There was a wistful quality to her voice, as though she was recalling a memory she wished to return to.
“He know how you feel?”
“Oh yeah, he knows. Well, at least he knows how I felt before I moved away years ago. I was young and stupid and made it painfully obvious. I’m more discrete now.”
Hmm. Interesting. Copper, the biker who showed up at the diner more than any of the others. Always sitting in Shell’s section. Always watching her like a hawk but with a fierce frown.
“He says I’m too young. He’d never touch me.” She stared at her drink, a far off look in her eyes. “But it wouldn’t even matter if he dropped to his knees and professed his love to me tomorrow,” she said in a small voice. “Too much has happened. Things he doesn’t know about. Things from my past that make it impossible for me to ever be with him. Geez, listen to me. Three sips and I’m spilling my guts.”
“No, it’s okay. I get it. About the past. I did some things, and had some things done to me, that changed who I am. Especially when it comes to men. Things that occurred years ago but I’m still dealing with and paying for.” Toni shrugged.
“I started working at the diner because of the no biker rule.” Shell giggled. “Thought it would be a good way to keep myself away from Copper. At least there would be a few hours in the day where I wouldn’t have to see him. Despite his refusal to be with me, he’s always taken it upon himself to be my shadow. Protector, as he calls it.” She chuckled and rubbed her eyes, exhaustion bleeding into her features. Exhaustion Toni now knew wasn’t from physical fatigue alone, but from heavy emotional scars. “It’s all so fucked up,” she whispered almost to herself.
Desire to ease her new friend’s pain hit Toni hard. Along with guilt. “God, Shell. I’m so sorry. I had no idea lifting that ban would cause you trouble.”
Shell swallowed a healthy gulp of her drink, then took a deep breath. “Please, don’t feel bad. I’m at the clubhouse all the time. Hell, one of the ol’ ladies is my steady babysitter. I can’t avoid them. And I don’t really want to. They’re my family. Sometimes it’s just hard to pretend I don’t feel what I do when I’m around them. So I got a job where I wouldn’t have to be around them.” With a wave of her hand she brushed it off. “You want to talk about your past shit? Because I really don’t want to think about mine anymore.”
“Hell no.” Toni didn’t talk about the mistakes of her past with anyone. Not even with Mark, who was privy to more than anyone. “Movie time?”
“Absolutely.”
Toni leaned back on the couch and turned on the television. Three hours and one Sex and The City movie later, Shell begged off and headed home. Toni remained on the couch for a while. Thinking about all the decisions lingering out in space, waiting for her to act.