They ran in totally different circles, were polar opposites in everything, yet she had found her way here, and worked up the courage to actually put herself out there.
He was gorgeous and had a body that rivaled statues of marble she’d seen in her textbooks. But he was most definitely not for her.
Just thinking about the time she had seen him coming in from football practice last year, in nothing but a pair of loose fitting shorts and a t-shirt that was soaked from sweat and sticking to his hard chest, had her body heating.
Then Marilyn had all but bounced up to him, giggling and saying something to him that had him grinning.
No, Toby Mason was too dangerous and experienced for her, and besides, she had enough going on in her life that worrying about actually having any kind of chance with him wasn’t possible.
She tossed her empty beer bottle in the trash and walked around the living room. No one paid attention to her, but a few glanced her way. She was dressed out of character for sure, but she knew they noticed who she was, and probably wondered why she was even here.
Heck, she’d wondered that as soon as she decided to come.
She wandered around for a few more minutes, and when she saw Marilyn and a few of her friends hanging around the football players she veered off to the side and headed down the hallway. No way did she want that confrontation.
She might stand up for herself if the opportunity warranted it, but she wasn’t about to jump into the lions’ den. This was a bad idea all around, she realized, and she decided just to say forget it and head home. But the bathroom called to her, and she opened the first door she saw.
A couple was in the center of the bed having sex, and before Shoshanna got an eyeful she closed the door.
Going to the next room she knocked on the door, and when she didn’t hear anything she pushed it open. The room was dark, and she couldn’t see anything right away, but then she saw a form lying on the bed. When she saw it was Toby she felt her heart start to beat faster.
Was he sleeping? He obviously wanted to be alone if he was in here while a party was happening.
“Toby?”
When he didn’t respond she moved closer, and saw he had his eyes closed and a pair of earbuds in. She moved into the room and reached out to lightly touch his thigh. He jerked upward, grabbed her wrist in a tight hold, and when he saw who it was, he let it go.
“Shit, I’m sorry. I thought you were Marilyn.”
She didn’t know what to say to that. He stood and walked over to the door, shutting it and facing her again.
“Sorry, those people out there are pissing me off, so I came in here for the quiet.”
She nodded, knowing what he meant.
“You came,” he said in a soft, yet deep voice.
“Yeah, and I honestly don’t know why.” Shoshanna wasn’t going to lie. She didn’t know why she was here, not really. She liked Toby, had for a while, but she felt out of place with him in a way, like being here was wrong and she didn’t belong, in any sense of the word.
He sat back on the edge of the bed and gestured for her to take a seat beside him. After a second she sat down. They stayed like that for a few seconds, neither speaking, but this comfortable feeling filled her momentarily.
“I saw Marilyn in the kitchen, figured you’d be with her at the party.”
He didn’t speak for a moment, and she tried to see his expression in the shadowed room.
“I don’t love Marilyn, have never felt anything more than a passing lust. She’s heartless, cold and cruel—”
Okay, well, the conversation certainly switched to a different level. “But you stay with her?” Shoshanna asked.
He exhaled. “I do a lot of stupid shit, Shoshanna, and I don’t even know the reasoning behind most of it.” He looked at the ceiling, maybe thinking deeply, or just not knowing what to say. “I’m not good enough for you, not even to be friends. You’re too fucking good for all of this.” He looked into her eyes. “You’re too good to let people less than you make you feel like shit.” He lifted a hand and cupped her cheek, and her heart stalled.
This was too intimate, too deep for her. He was with Marilyn, even if he’d said he didn’t love her, had never cared for her genuinely.
“And staying with her when I know nothing more meaningful could ever happen between us makes me just as shitty as everyone else.” He shook his head slowly. “But with you I can see more. I want more. I want to know you better. You’re honest and true.”