Resting her back on the tank of the toilet, she stared at the ceiling. There were some water spots lining the white space above. She closed her eyes, covering her belly with a hand, and breathed out.
How was she supposed to deal with this when she was getting her life on track? She had a job, but could that help her pay for a child, raise it and make sure it was okay and safe? And her mother, lord, her mother would be furious about this. No happy new grandma emotions from her.
Looking at the tests lined up again, she saw each of them said the same thing. She was pregnant with Toby Mason’s baby. How in the hell was she going to explain this to Toby?
How would he be able to deal with the birth of a child after the death of his father? Chances were he wouldn’t even want this baby, or think it was his. She couldn’t blame him though.
Shoshanna had slept with him without even caring about protection, and there was no way for him to know that he was only the second guy she had ever been with.
“How in the hell are you going to take care of a baby?”
If things were different between them, and she didn’t just have a one-night stand with Toby, maybe this would have been a joyous time. Of course she didn’t want to keep this from him, but how did one go about telling a man that she had known for years, but just reconnected with after a tense separation of sorts, that he’d knocked her up after one night of incredible sex?
God, this is so freaking bad. She threw the tests in the wastebasket and stood on shaky legs. The mirror showed a girl she didn’t even recognize. Her gaze traveled down to her belly, and she gripped the edge of her shirt, slowly lifting it up.
She was only a few days late, but her breasts had been so swollen and sensitive, far worse than when her period was going to start. She stared at her belly, and the very idea that there was a tiny life growing inside of her, a little piece of Toby, was almost too much to handle.
Letting her shirt fall back in place, she braced her hands on the counter and hung her head. How in the hell was she going to get through this? She didn’t believe in abortion, and couldn’t see herself carrying her child for nine months only to give it up for adoption.
No, she would keep the baby and get through it, even if Toby wasn’t on board.
Oh God. There was so much to do, and she didn’t even know where to start.
17
It had been five weeks since his father had passed and he had gone to help his mom. He had taken so much time off of work that he felt behind in his duties, and just wanted to get back to his life and the routine he had set for himself. He sat on his couch, his cell in hand, and Shoshanna’s number on the screen.
He had yet to press SEND, because honestly he was scared shitless. Would she even want him? She knew his reputation, had witnessed it even, and he didn’t want her scared away again because he wasn’t a good guy.
“Grow some balls, man,” he said to himself, and hit the button that would dial her number. Putting the phone to his ear, he listened to it ring. After the fourth ring he was about to hang up, but the voicemail kicked on.
He contemplated just hanging up, because right now he felt like a teenager that was asking a girl out for the first time.
“Shoshanna, this is Toby.” He swallowed, let there be dead air for a second, and then finished speaking so he didn’t make an ass out of himself. “I hope this call doesn’t piss you off, because I know we kind of left on weird terms last month, but I’d like to see you again.” God, he really did feel like an idiot asking her out over the phone on her voicemail. “So, yeah, not sure if you want to talk, let alone see me again, but Shoshanna—” He let there be a second of silence once again. “I’d love to see you.” He hung up after he left his number just in case, and stared at his cell. After setting it on the table he leaned back on the couch and stared at the ceiling.
Toby hadn’t gone on a “date” in so long. He fucked, plain and simple, and after one, maybe two nights tops, with the same female, he moved on. It was a shitty mentality, but that was who he was, how he lived his life, and he was ready for a change.