“Your mother means well. She just doesn’t know how to phrase things.
She chuckled, but it was a little annoyed. “I hate that she is like that. I wish she’d just be happy with how I live my life and what I’ve accomplished.”
“And she is, in her own way, honey.” He smiled. “I’m proud of everything you’ve accomplished, and the woman you’ve become. No matter what you do in life I’ll always be proud of you.” Her father wrapped her in his arms and kissed the top of her head. “Just do what makes you happy, and don’t worry about what others say, even your mom.”
16
Three weeks later
She was sweating. Like really sweating. She had this knot in her stomach because she was about to do something she didn’t think would happen for many years to come. Taking hold of the small paper bag even tighter, her heart pounded, and beads of sweat lined the valley between her breasts.
This was like some kind of dream, some kind of crazy “this is so not happening” dream. Once she was in her bathroom with the door shut despite the fact she lived alone, she closed the toilet lid and sat down. The sound of paper crunching in her hand filled her head as she loosened her hold on the bag.
God, she was feeling like she might pass out, like the entire world was tipping and all she could see was one of the small boxes she pulled out of the bag. She pulled out the other three boxes she’d purchased as well, one of each brand that had been at the drugstore, and set them on the counter.
Her throat dried, tightened, and all she could see when she stared at those four boxes was a future that was not what she planned. Shoshanna wasn’t a fool, and had known that having unprotected sex with Toby a little over a month ago could bring her to this one moment.
But there had been this voice in her head that told her the chances of her being pregnant as a result of that one night were so slim that worrying was not a high priority. How wrong she’d been.
She was late, and although she had been late on occasion with her period, this time she just knew that the result would be life changing. After going to the free clinic in town shortly after she’d slept with Toby, Shoshanna had felt confident that she had done the responsible thing about being so irresponsible that night.
She had gotten tested, not so much because she didn’t believe Toby when he had said he was clean, but because it was the smart thing to do after something so careless. She’d not taken the morning after pill, because the very thought of that hadn’t set right with her, had almost seemed abhorrent for some reason.
She had never been in a situation like this, never even thought she would be because of her lack of male companionship.
Taking the first test out of the box, she held it in her hands, watched her fingers shake uncontrollably as she held the stick, and then swallowed her nerves down. The results only took sixty seconds, but God, they were the longest seconds of her life.
Turning away from the stick resting on the counter, she stared at the wall, counted in her head backward from one hundred because she needed something to take her mind off of this, and prayed that what was about to happen was what was meant to be.
When Shoshanna picked up the test and stared down at the little window, she blinked over and over again.
Two pink lines.
She already knew what that result meant, but she grabbed the box, stared at the negative and positive reaction that was listed on the back of it, and cursed in her head. She set the test on the counter and grabbed another one, this one made by a different manufacturer.
Same result.
After grabbing the third and then fourth, taking them back to back, and staring at all four tests lined up on the counter, all four saying the same thing, she leaned back and breathed out.
Pregnant.
Here she was, pregnant by a man that had left Silver Springs over a month ago because his father had passed way with no notice of when he’d be back. She hadn’t expected him to tell her anything that morning after she had left, but with no idea of when he’d be back—if he’d be back—she was stuck in this place in her life that was unknown.
Of course Shoshanna wanted to tell him she was pregnant, because although they only shared one night, and hadn’t been especially close at any time during their life, she didn’t think it right to keep it from him.
But was calling him only a month after his father died and telling him she was pregnant really the right thing? She didn’t have his cell number, and although she probably could ask around for it, because surely someone in town would have it, it seemed grossly wrong to bring up a life changing discussion over the phone so soon after one of his family members passed away.