“She’s nine centimeters dilated,” Gerda said. “I’m not equipped here for an emergency in case something goes wrong. You should have listened when—”
“We were going to take her to the clinic next week. You know that.”
Kat grinded her teeth when another contraction hit, longer and more severe in intensity this time.
Adam took her hand. “Breathe, angel.”
“I’m not ready,” Gerda said.
“Do your fucking job,” Adam bit out.
Their anxiety didn’t have a calming effect. She wanted to pull away from Adam’s touch, but she did need a hand to dig her nails into. A perverse part of her was satisfied when he winced.
As soon as the pain ebbed, she jerked her hand from Adam’s and addressed the doctor. “You two stressing isn’t helping. I’m having a baby. Thousands of women do it every day.”
She was only trying to make herself feel better with her pep talk. She was dead scared. She faced reality like never before. Dying had been an abstract idea, but now it stared her in the face. It was no longer a vague concept. It was a real possibility.
However, there was only one way forward. At least she would’ve done something great, something wonderful, by giving birth to Lann’s son. That was enough. She let the feeling of contentedness ground her and sink into her soul. If she was to die, she wasn’t going to do it screaming and fighting. As she embraced the acceptance, a new serenity washed over her.
Another contraction built. She clenched her teeth as it swept her to an even higher crescendo of pain. She needed Lann. She longed for him with all her heart.
Adam bent over her and said with wonder in his voice, “You look beautiful in your suffering. I’ve never seen anything more magical than the pain of birth.”
The contraction gave way. Kat used the moment to swing back her fist and bring it down hard on Adam’s jaw. The impact sent him staggering. Stroking his jaw, he gave her a look of surprise.
Gerda stifled a laugh. “Never mess with a woman in labor.”
Adam narrowed his eyes at Gerda, but didn’t comment.
“The baby has descended,” Gerda said. “When I tell you to push, push hard.”
Kat nodded.
“Push.”
She took a deep breath and pushed with all her might. Nicolas’s whimpering came from somewhere in the corner, but she couldn’t concentrate on anything other than the pain that wracked her body.
“It’ll be quick,” Gerda said, “I can already see the head. Ready? Push.”
But it wasn’t quick. The contractions continued until she had no more strength. Adam wiped her brow with a wet cloth, but she couldn’t even bring herself to care that he was touching her.
He brought a cup with a straw to her lips. “Glucose, for energy.”
She managed to take a few sips before the next contraction set in.
The door opened and Vanessa stepped in.
“Get her out of here,” Kat said.
Gerda glanced over her shoulder. “You better leave.”
“Excuse me?” Vanessa laughed. “This is my parade.”
“Wait outside,” Adam said, his voice cold.
Vanessa glared at him. “What did you just say?”
“I said, wait outside.”
Kat’s scream tore through the room. She wasn’t going to scream, she’d promised herself, but she couldn’t help it. Adam came around the bed, took Vanessa by the shoulders, and moved her through the frame before shutting the door in her face. Even in her pain, Kat registered that Vanessa and Adam weren’t best friends.
“Come on,” Gerda said.
Kat shook her head. “No more. I can’t.”
“Give me your hand.”
“What?”
“Give me your hand,” Gerda repeated. When Kat obliged, she guided her fingers down to stroke over something warm and soft.
“The baby’s head,” Gerda said.
She’d just touched her baby’s head. It gave Kat the extra boost she needed for the last push, and then his little shoulders came free, and the doctor pulled her son into the world, into a room that should have been filled with love, but was full of danger.
Tears rolled down her cheeks. A beautiful baby boy.
“We did it,” Gerda said, staring wide-eyed at Adam.
She was alive. She was still breathing. She couldn’t see Nicolas in his corner, but he was quiet.
Gerda placed clips on the umbilical cord and handed Adam the scissors. “Want to cut it?”
He took the instrument wordlessly, his eyes fixed on the baby as he cut the cord. As soon as he had done it, he took Thomas, wrapped a blanket around him and walked to the door. Thomas wasn’t crying.
“Where is he going with my baby?” Kat asked in a choked voice.
“Now the placenta,” Gerda said.
“Please,” Kat begged through her tears, “let me hold him, just for a second.”
Gerda started cleaning her, but Kat didn’t pay attention to what was happening to her body. A huge hole opened in her soul. It was an ache that would never go away.
After covering her with a blanket, Gerda said, “You didn’t tear much. I gave you one stitch. I have to wash up. Rest for a few minutes. I’ll be back to take you to your room.”