Kat closed her eyes. Worse things happened on a daily basis. People suffered, people died in war. Then why did this feel like the end of the world?
“Kat?” Eve coaxed. “If you need a minute—”
Kat shook her head. “I’m fine.”
“I’ll book a theater at the clinic in France,” Eve said to Lann, who nodded.
France? If it was possible, Kat tensed even more. “What?”
“I’m based in Paris,” Eve explained.
Kat wasn’t leaving the country. “I’m not going anywhere.” She sounded rude, but she didn’t care.
“We can’t do the procedure here,” Lann said. “It’s illegal and we couldn’t find someone trustworthy on a moment’s notice. If we don’t leave by tomorrow morning, it’ll be too late.”
She stopped breathing. Tomorrow? No. Everything inside her protested. It was too soon. No matter if they gave her weeks, or months, it would always be too soon.
Lann addressed Eve. “Can you give us a minute, please?”
When Eve left the room, he removed his glasses and left them on the nightstand, just as he’d done when he’d made love to her. No, when he’d fucked her. There had been nothing more to their intimate moments, and she’d be better off getting that fact through her head.
When Lann took her hands to pull her into a sitting position, she was still deep in her thoughts and caught off-guard. It was only when he sat down and wrapped his arms around her that she came to her senses again.
She pushed on his shoulders. “No.”
He tightened his hold. “Shh.”
The dam wall broke. The ugly tears she’d been trying to hold back finally erupted in even uglier sobs as she banged her fists on his arms. “Let me go.”
The more she fought, the tighter he hugged her. An irrational urge made her want to hurt him as much as she was hurting, but her effort had no effect on him. She only tired herself.
Her energy spent, she sagged in his arms. This wasn’t how she’d envisioned the end of their relationship. She no longer had the luxury of pretending she was all right, and she had no one to blame but herself. This was the price she was paying for a month’s worth of unequalled passion and unrequited love. When the worst of the storm had passed, she only had silent tears left inside.
“I’m sorry, krasavitsa.” Lann kissed the top of her head. “I wish I could take this away from you. I swear I’ll make it better.”
After her humiliating breakdown, Kat fell asleep. She hadn’t had a full night of consolidated sleep for two weeks. She was exhausted. When she woke up in her old bedroom in Lann’s home, she felt rested, but sadness had invaded her body. Like a monster, it now lived inside her. It fed on her happiness and lust for life, the effect no different than feeling physically bruised.
She wiped her eyes and gave a start. Lann stood in the shadows, watching her.
She sat up. “How long have you been standing there?”
“We need to go back to your place.” His voice was strained. “You need to pack.”
She swung her feet off the bed. “I need to go back to my place.”
He clenched his hands at his sides. “Why won’t you let me support you?”
She didn’t want his support. She needed his love. It was harder for her when he was being kind. It would’ve been easier if he acted like an asshole. That way, she could’ve hated him. She walked past him into the hallway.
“Katherine,” he called after her, “let me drive you home.”
“I’m good, thanks.” She wanted to be alone. She didn’t even feel like facing Diana.
“Is that how much you hate me?” he asked behind her.
She paused. Who was she kidding? She couldn’t hate him. He’d been clear about his intentions from the start.
“Katherine,” he said when she resumed walking.
Didn’t he understand? She didn’t want his sympathy or his care. It would hurt too much to walk away again.
“I can’t say I blame you,” he said. “At least let my driver drop you off.”
She closed her eyes briefly, quietly declining the offer as she turned and took the stairs.
His footsteps fell behind her. “You can’t tell Diana. Tell her we’re going to France for a holiday. Convince her we’re going there to talk things over. It’s for your own safety.”
She started walking faster, registering with relief that he wasn’t following her to the door. She buzzed herself out, and, since it was already late, took the metro home. She recognized two men a few seats away as Lann’s security staff, but they kept their distance. Being in a mass of nameless people, people who didn’t know her and who didn’t care about her fate, was soothing. At least here she could get lost in a crowd, and being in a public place forced her to keep her emotions intact.