“Easier for who?” she snaps, voice escalating, echoing off the cavernous cement walls.
Since that seems more like a rhetorical question, I don’t bother with a response.
“Where did this come from?” Her brows draw together in bewilderment as if mentally reviewing the autopsy of our doomed relationship. “I thought you were happy.”
“I was.” The emotion churning in her eyes is enough to break me. I hate myself for doing this to her. “And now I’m not.”
“Just like that.” There’s a pause. “Like a light switch. Happy.” She snaps her fingers as the brightness in her eyes returns. If she loses the battle with her tears, I won’t be able to stand it. “Unhappy.”
“Yeah,” I force out glumly, edging closer to my breaking point.
“I don’t know what to say.” She shakes her head. “Just...wow.”
When I remain mute, Alyssa inches forward, closing the yawning distance that separates us. Sorrow is etched across every line of her expression. “I realize there’s nothing I can say that will change your mind.” She forces out a brittle laugh. “And I won’t bother to try. I refuse to beg and grovel for some guy who is willing to throw me away like a dirty Kleenex.”
No, that’s not Alyssa’s style. She has way too much pride and self-worth for that.
Instead of allowing the tears to trek down her ashen cheeks, she blinks back the wetness and glances away. “You know what sucks the most?” Before I can answer—not that I was going to—she continues, “I really loved you. Even though you didn’t say it back to me, I thought you might feel the same.”
A thick lump of emotion settles in the middle of my throat, making it impossible to breathe. Death would be preferable rather than witness the way she’s laying herself bare.
A frown tugs at the corners of her lips as her gaze slices to me. “That’s the reason, isn’t it?”
I gulp down the icy shards of dread and try to keep it all buried deep beneath the surface before it can undo the chaos I’ve unleashed on this relationship. “What are you talking about?”
Understanding dawns across her face as she carefully examines my eyes. If she searches hard enough, deep enough, she’ll unearth all of my secrets, and that can’t be allowed to happen. “That scared you, didn’t it?”
The floodgates open, and panic rushes through every cell of my body. I shift impatiently, tempted to flee from not only this building but her. My chest tightens, and pain throbs through me with every sharp intake of breath.
Maybe Alyssa believes that she loves me, but she doesn’t.
How could she when my own mother wasn’t able to?
There has to be something seriously wrong with me if Candace could walk away without a second look.
Doesn’t Alyssa understand that I can’t be the man she wants me to be?
I’m incapable of giving her what she needs—even for the short-term. She deserves better. I realize it, even if she doesn’t. It’s only a matter of time before she comes to the same conclusion and leaves. And that, I won’t be able to withstand.
Once was more than enough.
The fear of this happening again has the blood running through my veins turning to ice. It also gives me the little nudge I need to end this once and for all. “Come on, girl, you had to know this was a long shot when we got together. It was a gamble.” I shrug, wanting to appear nonchalant. “You rolled the dice, and it came up snake eyes. You should be giving me props for remaining faithful for this long. As much as I’ve enjoyed your unicorn pussy, this whole exclusivity thing isn’t for me.” I reach out and stroke my fingers along the curve of her jaw. It doesn’t escape me that this will be the last time I touch her. “I wouldn’t mind keeping you in my back pocket and having a taste of it every once in a while.”
As the last word falls from my lips, she bats my hand away before shoving both palms against my chest and knocking me back a step with an angry grunt.
“Fuck you, Colton! You really are an asshole, you know that?”
Yeah, I do.
And now, thankfully, she knows it, too.
Chapter Nine
Alyssa
There’s a gentle tap on my arm.
“Lys?”
I blink out of the frenzied whirl of my thoughts and refocus my attention on Mia. “Hmmm?” I dredge my brain. If she fired off a question, I have no idea what it was. I really need to snap out of this funk.
Sympathy flashes across her face as she loops her arm through mine and tugs me closer. “Aww, girl. I’m sorry. I know this must be tough.” There’s a pause. “You want me to beat Colton’s ass? For you, I’ll do it.”
Even though it takes effort, I force out a snort. It feels like my entire body is riddled with pain. “Nah. He’s not worth it.” My lips quirk at the corners at the idea of Mia getting into any kind of physical altercation. She’s never so much as had a disagreement. She’s always walked the straight and narrow, but that behavior intensified after her sister, Brianna, died in a car accident. Sometimes I get the feeling that Mia is trying to distract her parents with all of her accomplishments. Straight A’s, tennis tournaments, and a squeaky-clean reputation. It must be exhausting to be so perfect.