I was positive my eyes nearly popped out of my head. “You did what?”
“I spoke with a counselor about what happened both times.”
“Why would you do that, Willa?” I tried to keep the anger out of my voice, but I was positive some of it came through.
She reached for my hand, and I let her take it. “I understand why you would keep this to yourself when you were in the Navy. I get that it could have had a negative impact on you being a SEAL. But you’re not in the Navy anymore, Aiden. You’re home. You’re with me, your family, and friends who love and care about you.”
With a sigh, I ran my free hand down my face and counted to ten before I spoke. “Willa, you’ve got to understand something about me.”
She stared at me, her eyes free of any judgment. “Go on,” she prompted.
“The training I got as a SEAL…I…it made me…” I let out a frustrated sigh. “Christ, it’s hard for me to explain.”
Her hand squeezed mine. “I want you to tell me what it’s like inside your head, Aiden. What goes on in there when you’re worried or feeling like you did that day of the backfire?”
I let out a harsh laugh. “What is it like in my head?”
She nodded.
“It’s a fucking storm, Willa.”
Another nod. “Go on.”
“Go on? What more do you need to know? I’m fucked up. Call it whatever you want to call it, but yes, I have nightmares about things I’ve seen, things I’ve done. Loud noises bring back memories I’d rather forget. I carry guilt around for those I think I could have saved but lost anyway. I wonder why I’m alive, but the guy with a wife and a baby on the way had to get shot in the head and die in my arms. Do you want me to keep going on?”
“Yes,” she whispered.
I felt my mouth drop open as I repeated, “Yes?”
“Yes.”
I stared at her for the longest time. “Trust me, Willa. You don’t really want to know what’s going on in my head.”
She moved closer to me and crisscrossed her legs. “That’s where you’re so wrong, Aiden. That’s where you don’t trust me, and if we’re going to be together, you’ve got to trust me one-hundred percent with all of it. I want you, all of you. The good and the bad. If you’re walking through a storm, I want to walk next to you, and if you need me to lead the way, I will. I’ll do it because I love you like I have never loved anyone before.”
My eyes stung as I fought to hold back my emotions. “Can you trust me? Can you trust that I won’t hear a car backfire and knock you to the ground again? What if you’d been holding Ben?”
She shook her head. “If I’d been holding Ben, he would have been okay. Because if you’d stop and remember, Aiden, you made sure you took the brunt of the fall. I landed on top of you. I wasn’t hurt at all. You were trying to protect me.”
It was my turn to shake my head, but Willamina Turner was far from done.
“I love you. And I already know my son has fallen in love with you. I want to be there for you when you’re not strong. I want to be there for you when you think you can’t go on. I want to help you fight this fight you’re silently fighting by yourself, because you don’t have to fight it alone. At night, when the nightmares come, I want to hold on to you, and I swear to God, Aiden, I’ll never let go.” She squeezed my hand again. “My heart feels like it’s bleeding at the thought of what you’re shouldering. You’re not the only one who has darkness and storms brewing. Let me be your light, and you can be mine. And together, neither one of us will ever be lost again.”
My heart was pounding so hard I had to place my hand over my chest in an attempt to settle it. “You have no idea what you’re asking me to do. The potential harm—”
“Stop and answer one question. Do you love me?”
“I love you more than you know.”
She smiled. “Do you want a family right now? Me, Ben? My crazy life with the orchard, my jealousy every time a woman looks at you and I have the urge to scream that you’re mine? Ben going through the terrible twos? My mother pressuring us to get married? Do you want all of that?”
With a smirk, I asked, “You get jealous when other women look at me?”
She frowned. “That’s what you took away from all of that?”
With a slight laugh, I nodded. “Yes, I want all of that. But, Willa, are you willing to deal with everything that I’ve got to bring to this relationship? Because your baggage seems like a carry-on compared to my load.”