I wouldn’t blame her. It would kill me, but I would never—could never—blame her.
Desperation sweeps through me at the thought, and I spread my other hand against her lower back. Maneuver her even closer, until her long, lush body is pressed tightly against my own. And then I kiss her like I’ve been dying to for days, for weeks. I kiss her like she’s the most important thing in the world to me. Like she’s my everything.
Because she is. Dear God, she is.
Her lips part on a gasp and I take advantage, sliding my tongue inside her mouth to lick and stroke and take. She tastes like lemonade—sweet and tart and so, so good. Like mint and honey. Like the wind that rips across the still dark beach right before I dive into the Pacific for an early morning surf. I don’t want to let her go. I want to stand here in the middle of her best friend’s living room and kiss her like this forever.
But Chloe has other plans. She kisses me once more—long and lingering and so, so good—before pulling away. “Just business?” she asks, and this time her eyes are clear, direct, the last traces of sleep gone from them.
I don’t want to tell her the truth. The past is finally settled between us—or as settled as it’s going to get—and I don’t want her to worry about Brandon coming back into her life. Don’t want her to worry about him, or my mother, ever hurting her again.
Because I’m not going to let that happen. There’s no way my brother—no way anyone—is ever getting close enough to Chloe to cause her any more damage.
“It’s the middle of the business day in Tokyo.” Which isn’t a lie. It’s just not necessarily pertinent to the discussion I was having with the detective.
She nods, takes hold of my hand. Starts to tug me back toward her bedroom. I follow willingly—I’d follow her anywhere, even straight into hell if I had to—and she doesn’t stop until she’s standing next to her bed. A dim light from her dresser gives the room a shadowy feel that echoes deep inside of me.
I don’t want to fuck this up again.
She looks up at me then, and there are tears in her beautiful eyes. Tears, and pain and fear—so much fear. It nearly breaks me. Nearly has me sinking to my knees in front of her and begging her forgiveness all over again. For everything that happened before she met me—and everything that’s happened since. I don’t deserve this woman. I never have, never will. But I’m not man enough to let her go. Not when she’s the very air that I breathe, the blood that runs through my veins.
“Baby.” I bend my head, press soft kisses to her cheeks, her forehead, her eyes. Her tears are warm and salty-sweet and their very existence makes my gut twist. “It’s going to be okay. I promise.”
“I know.” Her hands come up to cup my face now, to tilt my head so that we’re looking straight into each other’s eyes. “I love you, Ethan.”
My heart melts. “I love you, too.”
“I know you do. And I know, too, that love means protecting me. But I need you to promise me something.”
“Anything.” The word escapes before I even know I’m going to say it.
Chloe takes a deep breath then, and for the first time I notice that she’s trembling. I go to pull her more tightly against me, to warm her up with my own body heat, but she pulls back. Stands firm.
“No more lies. I can take anything else. I can take Brandon, your mother, even the media scandal if my disaster of a past leaks. But you can’t lie to me again. Not if we have any chance of building a future together.”
The words fall into the growing chasm between us.
Fuck.
I know she’s right. And I don’t want to lie to her. I’ve never wanted to lie to her. But she’s fragile right now, her world shaken by the reappearance of my asshole brother, and the last thing I want to do is cause her more upset. More pain.
“Chloe—”
“No,” she interrupts, sounding anything but fragile. Anything but weak. “This is a deal breaker, Ethan. I’ve spent too many years of my life lying and being lied to. I won’t do it anymore. Won’t duck my head and pretend because it’s easier for everyone involved. And I won’t let you do it, either. If you want us to be together, to stay together, if you want me to fly to Vegas and marry you in a few hours, then you need to tell me the truth.”
Chapter 2
Her words echo through the room like the ultimatum they are.
If I didn’t love her the way I do, they’d be easy to ignore. Then again, if I didn’t love her, I wouldn’t be tempted to lie in the first place. Besides, she’s right. I didn’t protect her from what happened when she was in high school and I can’t protect her from what’s happening now. No matter how much I want to.
And still, I don’t know what I’m supposed to do here.
The knowledge grates. I’ve spent a lifetime knowing what to do, knowing how to fix anything and everything that comes my way. Now, here, with the only person that has ever truly mattered to me on a personal level, the only person I have ever asked to marry me, I don’t have a clue where to start. Worse, I have no idea how to finish.
There are a million things I can tell her, a million things I can say here and none of them have to be the truth. I think about the phone conversation I just had. About the plan I’m even now formulating to bring Brandon down. Then I think about how broken Chloe was when I first met her—and how much more broken my lies and half-truths have made her.
And that’s when I know that—no matter how much easier it would be for her—I can’t be anything but honest with her. Not after everything we’ve promised each other. Not after everything I’ve put her through.