But later. I will straighten all this out later.
I fall asleep picturing her face when she came. All the times she came today, but mostly this last time. How beautiful it was. And how familiar she feels, even though we’re strangers.
Soulmates.
My hand automatically reaches for my cocks as I wake in the morning. It’s an unconscious habit. Something I’ve been doing for decades. Wake up hard, jerk myself off—twice—and then start the day.
But I’m not hard this morning.
For a second I panic. Like… am I sick? Did my dicks fall off? What’s happening?
But then Lyra moans next to me and rolls over, her blonde hair a tangled mess over her face, and I feel…
OK.
That’s the only way to describe it. I feel OK. Like this is normal. Like it’s no big deal that today is the first time I’ve ever woken up without hard-ons since I was a teenager.
And that makes no sense.
I should be worried. I should be wondering what’s wrong.
Except my brain is telling me to just… chill. Relax. No big deal.
Chemicals, I think. Some kind of neuro-chemicals are manipulating me into thinking everything’s fine. Like… drugs.
Or something.
I don’t know.
“Serpint?” ALCOR’s voice says.
“Yeah?” I groan, still groggy.
“Your brothers will start arriving just after lunch.”
And then that feeling of being OK just disappears. Because Draden is dead and today is his memorial service. And we don’t even have a body to float out the airlock. We have nothing left of him at all.
“Will you be bringing Lyra?” ALCOR asks.
“No,” I say. But then, “Yes.” Because for some reason I can’t imagine not taking her.
“Are you sure?” ALCOR asks.
“Hey,” I say, ignoring that last question. Because it brings back all the memories of last night. What I said, why I might’ve said it. And I’m still in denial that it happened. “Where were you guys last night? Someone told me you left the station.”
“We did,” ALCOR says. “But we’re back now. We can talk about that later.”
“And Booty?” I say. Because suddenly all the fucked-up shit that happened yesterday is fresh in my mind. “You turned her organic? Without my permission?”
“You don’t own her,” ALCOR says. “She’s her own person and that was her choice.”
I growl a little at that answer. Because it’s only half true. Sentient ships are banned everywhere unless they are owned. It’s a universal directorate. Even here, that law still applies. If we had unowned sentient ships here, I don’t care what kind of security ALCOR has out at those gates, the Prime Navy would attack us. They might not win that fight, but they would sure as hell try their best. That’s why I’m listed as her responsible party.
But ALCOR is right. If Booty wants to disregard my orders or wishes, she is free to do so because I don’t have any kind of regulator on her to stop it.
We’re partners like that.
At least I thought we were.
“Lyra will need clothes,” ALCOR says, bringing me back to the conversation.
“Sure,” I say. “I’ll take care of it.”
He leaves after that. Or whatever it is he does. Disengages from the sensors in my quarters. I can feel his absence.
Lyra turns over, questions in her eyes. Because clearly she heard that whole conversation. “Are you sure you want me at your brother’s memorial service?”
No. I’m not sure at all. But there’s an undeniable feeling inside me that says leaving her behind isn’t an option. Some kind of new urge to keep her close at all times.
But all that’s so complicated and I just want to keep things simple. So I say, “Yeah. I do.”
“Well,” she says. “I’ll get the shopping code after all.” She smiles when she says this.
And even though I’m not happy—not anything close to happy—I smile back at her. Like… can’t not smile back at her. “You know what?”
“What?”
“Fuck that auto-shopper. Let’s go out into the city. Get the fuck out of these quarters. Maybe get breakfast too. Have you seen the city yet?”
“No,” she says, shaking her head. “As soon as I got out of the cryopod I was taken directly to the harem.”
“Well, good. I’ll show you around this morning.”
She sighs a little. Like that makes her happy. But then she says, “You don’t have to, though. I get that this day is gonna be hard for you. I can fend for myself here just fine. And I like auto-shopping.”
But she’s wrong. I don’t know how I know this, I just do.
I do have to. Just like how that one moment when I considered leaving her behind for the memorial service conjured up an urge to keep her close, that’s how I feel about walking out of here without her next to me.
Except I can’t explain that. And even if I could, it sounds stupid. So I say, “It’s no big deal. Besides, this place is pretty great. I know everyone thinks Harem Station is just a cesspool of outlaws and killers, but ALCOR runs it, ya know. And he’s no joke. And it’s the only home I have, so I’d like you to see it.”