OH, BUGGER.
It wasn't exactly a voice. The words were there all right, but they arrived in Mort's head without bothering to pass through his ears.
He rushed forward to help the fallen figure, and found himself grabbing hold of a hand that was nothing more than polished bone, smooth and rather yellowed like an old billiard ball. The figure's hood fell back, and a naked skull turned its empty eyesockets towards him.
Not quite empty, though. Deep within them, as though they were windows looking across the gulfs of space, were two tiny blue stars.
It occurred to Mort that he ought to feel horrified, so he was slightly shocked to find that he wasn't. It was a skeleton sitting in front of him, rubbing its knees and grumbling, but it was a live one, curiously impressive but not, for some strange reason, very f rightening.
THANK YOU, BOY, said the skull. WHAT IS YOUR NAME?
'Uh,' said Mort, 'Mortimer . . . sir. They call me Mort.'
WHAT A COINCIDENCE, said the skull. HELP ME UP, PLEASE.
The figure rose unsteadily, brushing itself down. Now Mort could see there was a heavy belt around its waist, from which was slung a white-handled sword.
'I hope you are not hurt, sir,' he said politely.
The skull grinned. Of course, Mort thought, it hasn't much of a choice.
NO HARM DONE, I AM SURE. The skull looked around and seemed to see Lezek, who appeared to be frozen to the spot, for the first time. Mort thought an explanation was called for.
'My father,' he said, trying to move protectively in front of Exhibit A without causing any offence. 'Excuse me, sir, but are you Death?'
CORRECT. FULL MARKS FOR OBSERVATION, THAT BOY.
Mort swallowed.
'My father is a good man,' he said. He thought for a while, and added, 'Quite good. I'd rather you left him alone, if it's all the same to you. I don't know what you have done to him, but I'd like you to stop it. No offence meant.'
Death stepped back, his skull on one side.
I HAVE MERELY PUT US OUTSIDE TIME FOR A MOMENT, he said. HE WILL SEE AND HEAR NOTHING THAT DISTURBS HIM. NO, BOY, IT WAS YOU I CAME FOR.
'Me?'
YOU ARE HERE SEEKING EMPLOYMENT?
Light dawned on Mort. 'You are looking for an apprentice?' he said.
The eyesockets turned towards him, their actinic pinpoints flaring.
OF COURSE.
Death waved a bony hand. There was a wash of purple light, a sort of visible 'pop', and Lezek unfroze. Above his head the clockwork automatons got on with the job of proclaiming midnight, as Time was allowed to come creeping back.
Lezek blinked.
'Didn't see you there for a minute,' he said. 'Sorry – mind must have been elsewhere.'
I WAS OFFERING YOUR BOY A POSITION, Said Death. I TRUST THAT MEETS WITH YOUR APPROVAL?
'What was your job again?' said Lezek, talking to a black-robed skeleton without showing even a flicker of surprise.
I USHER SOULS INTO THE NEXT WORLD, Said Death.
'Ah,' said Lezek, 'of course, sorry, should have guessed from the clothes. Very necessary work, very steady. Established business?'