"No." He cursed again and brought her hand up to his mouth to place a kiss in her palm. "Nothing you've done is wrong. As for me ... Christ." He met her searching gaze, hated that he was making her think she was at fault somehow. He couldn't keep his hands from seeking her out. His fingers craved the feel of her the same way his cock longed to be back inside her. "I feel like I'm betraying Conlan when I touch you. I'm betraying him by wanting you ... now, as I did then."
She stared at him in silence, a flicker of surprise in her eyes. "You wanted me?" She gave a small shake of her head, dismissing the idea with a quiet laugh. "As I recall it, through all your travels and exploits at the time, there was hardly a woman you met that you didn't eventually charm out of her virtue."
"But not you. And you were the only one I loved," he confessed, too late to bite it back.
He and Conlan had been friends for years, neighbors for even longer. They'd defended their lands together, rode into battles as a single force, as brothers. But as close as they'd been on the field and in duty, the two Breed males couldn't have been more different. Malcolm craved adventure and was always ready to chase it. Conlan was the steady one, the reliable one. The one most deserving of an extraordinary female like Danika.
Mal could still picture the night he and Con first saw her-the golden, Nordic beauty and adopted daughter of a powerful Darkhaven leader from Copenhagen. She was in Scotland on sojourn, independent even then, a mere girl of eighteen, staying with Breed relations in Edinburgh. Mal had wasted no time making introductions, seeking to impress her with stories of his travels all over the world and his dangerous exploits.
But it was Conlan who eventually won her over. Calm and considerate, steady Con.
"You were so unsettled, always unpredictable," she remarked now. "You would have broken my heart."
"Probably," he admitted. "But I was an idiot then. I didn't realize what you meant to me until Con confided that you and he were to be mated."
She swallowed, scarcely breathing now. "I never knew."
"Would it have made a difference if you had?"
Her eyes fell away from him for a moment, considering. "No, it wouldn't have. Conlan was a good man, a good mate to me through all our time together. I loved him completely. I always will."
Mal nodded, even though the words tasted bitter. "He honored you well. As I knew he would."
Danika reached for him now, her fingertips light on his clenched jaw. "Con's gone, and I'm still alive. I still mourn him, but I can't tell you that my heart isn't glad to be looking at you now, Malcolm. I won't deny that it feels good to be touching you, to be lying here with you, like this. I didn't realize how alone I've felt this past year until I had your arms around me." She stroked his scarred cheek, the pad of her thumb brushing tenderly over the poorly healed knife wound. "Conlan's not the only one you feel you're betraying here tonight, is he?"
He turned his head to avoid the contact, wishing he could avoid reliving the failure that earned him that brutal gash. Before Danika had a chance to prod his mind for answers, he mentally slammed the gate down hard on his past. Locked it behind a wall of cold fury. "I don't want to talk about that, Dani."
"You have an unfinished nursery upstairs," she murmured, sitting up with him when he started to move away from her on the bed. "You obviously don't live here anymore, or haven't in quite some time. And even though I can tell you're blocking me from your mind right now, downstairs in the kitchen, your thoughts gave away that you lost someone you loved. I know you're grieving and angry-"
"I said I don't want to talk about it," he snapped harshly. "All of that is personal."
She exhaled a quiet scoff. "There's nothing more personal than what we shared tonight. How can telling me about your past-about the mate it's obvious you loved and lost-be more intimate than this?"
"Because the less you know, the safer it will be for you." He swung his feet to the floor. "I have to go. I've been away from the club for too long."
Danika swung off the bed before he could, putting herself in front of him. Her hands were on his shoulders, her eyes searching his. "How long have you been plotting to kill Reiver?"
Mal hissed a curse. "Just drop it, Dani."
He felt her push harder at his mind. A determined prod, and then she was inside his thoughts, pulling the truth out of him against his will. "Seven months," she whispered, staggering back on her heels. "You've had to look at him, work for him ... all this time. Why?"
"Because I needed to get close to him," Mal ground out. "I needed to ge K ne>
"What happened to your Breedmate, Mal?" Danika reached out, smoothed her hands over his scarred, broken face. "Have you told anyone at all?"
He shook his head, mute for a long moment as the memories swelled, black as acid. "I hadn't planned to take a mate. I'd been alone for so long, I'd gotten used to my freedom. I fed from human females, found pleasure with more than a few. But I made it my habit to steer clear of the women with this damnable mark," he said, tracing the edges of the Breedmate birthmark on Danika's trim belly. "But then I met Fiona. She was sweet and gentle and innocent-just a girl of twenty-two. Everything was fresh to her, everything a new adventure, something magical. She looked at me in much the same way, like some kind of goddamned hero from a fairy tale. I had centuries of living behind me, battles won and lost. I looked at Fiona and realized I'd forgotten what it was like to be so carefree and open."
Danika gave him a tender, wry smile. "You were never either of those things, Mal. Brooding and enigmatic, yes. And devastatingly charming, in your own grim way."
He nodded, unsure why it should come as such a surprise that Dani would know him so well, even after all this time. His mouth quirked with humor, despite the gravity of his memories. "I tried to keep that cynical, world-weary side of me away from Fiona. Figured I'd let it out a little at a time, lest I scare her off too soon."
"But she didn't scare away," Danika said, holding him in a gentle gaze.
Mal shook his head. "No, she didn't. We were together less than a year when I found myself falling in love with her. We blood-bonded, making our home together here at the castle. It wasn't long before she asked me to give her a child. She was only a few months pregnant when ..."
Danika's breath hitched in her throat. "You lost them both at the same time? Oh, Mal."
"She'd gone to Edinburgh to pick up some custom-made bedding-something to match the mural she was painting on the nursery walls." He grunted, throat still rough with regret. "It was morning, so I stayed home. As it was, I'd been working on a surprise for her that I hoped to finish while she was gone. The rocking chair was almost finished when I felt a jolt of terror through our blood bond. Fiona was in danger, in pain. And I was trapped in this bloody fortress by the sunlight burning outside its walls."