Bitter anger takes root inside me as I remember the dream. Remember King Oberon whipping Valerian, and Valerian crying out for his mother.
“After a while, she only came back every few years. Some Evermore children would be used to that type of parental detachment, but the prince’s mother had showered him with affection, and when she took that away . . .” Eclipsa sighs, her eyes focused on some distant star in the sky. “Every time she came back, she promised the next visit she would take him back with her. The prince hated King Oberon and wanted nothing to do with his twisted ideology. He truly believed she would rescue him someday from that fate.”
I focus on a moon sprite on the edge of the fountain, watching the delicate creature preen its light-gilded wings rather than see the pain in Eclipsa’s face.
“When you and the Winter Prince decided to flee, Calista promised to help you and the prince hide in the mortal world together. Then you were discovered fleeing the Summer palace and killed.”
My body sags into itself. Lately, whenever I even think about my death at the hands of my father, it leaves me feeling down for days. “What happened to his mother?”
“That’s the thing.” Eclipsa runs her fingers idly through the deep purple pool of iridescent water. “We think . . . you see, Calista was the only one who could have told the Summer King of your plans.”
I straighten in surprise. “Why would she do that?”
“Because she had a daughter, and she knew there was never any chance that the prince could hide from King Oberon—not as the heir apparent. Not with that much power. So she bargained one child’s life for another.”
Valerian had a sister? “I don’t understand.”
“The prince’s sister, Wynter, had been a hostage of the Summer Court for years. In exchange for the information about your planned escape with the prince, your father not only gave Calista her daughter back, but used his strong magic to hide them in the human world.”
“Are you sure she betrayed him?”
Eclipsa’s eyes glitter with violence. “All we know is the day you died, they both disappeared, and no one has seen them since.”
Oh, God. I press a fist just above my heart. “How can a mother do that? Destroy one child to save another?”
“I don’t know but it would have been better if she’d never shown him kindness at all. The day his mother betrayed him and caused your death, something inside him broke. He stopped feeling anything.” Eclipsa’s voice is so soft I barely hear it as she says, “If my spies ever discover where Calista is hiding, I have a special dagger with her name on it.”
I don’t doubt that one bit. A part of me feels the same way, especially knowing the pain I felt from the nightmare is nothing compared to what Valerian must have felt when she betrayed him.
A mother’s rejection is its own special kind of injury that never heals.
“He won’t talk about it, at least, not to me.” Eclipsa holds out her finger, watching as a moon sprite lands on the end. “But I thought you deserved to know why he acts the way he does.”
“Because he’s afraid I’ll abandon him like she did?”
“Because you gave him the one thing that could hurt him again—the burden of caring. And that terrifies him more than anything.”
Oh, boy. As an Evermore, I suspected Valerian had a mountain of emotional baggage that would take the good part of a lifetime to unpack. But I see now that mountain is unscalable.
There’s no unpacking it, only living in its shadow.
Can someone used to countless lifetimes of pain ever learn to fully trust? Fully love in the way that I want—no, that I need?
I look to Eclipsa to discover she’s watching me intently, probably trying to determine just how freaked out I am. “You knew me then, right?” I ask. “When I was one of you?”
“I did.” She grins. “I hated your guts at first, by the way. He actually made me swear an oath of magic not to assassinate you.”
For some reason, I laugh. “Why? Was I a raging bitch?”
Her grin fades. “No, you were really kind and funny. But by then, between his mother constantly abandoning him and King Oberon’s torture, I knew he couldn’t take any more heartbreak.” o;Trust me.”
He stiffens, prepared to argue, but she holds up a hand. “We have no idea how the bond between you is affecting everything. Perhaps if you’re not right here . . .”
Her voice trails away, but I can see her implication take hold in his face. His mouth softens, and he looks at me. “Okay, but I’m leaving Phalanx.”
He jerks his chin at the huge snowy white owl sitting on the railing above, watching us with those sentient amber eyes. I have no idea how lethal his owl familiar is, but considering how much Valerian trusts Phalanx to watch me, I’d say very.
“I’m fully capable of defending her,” Eclipsa assures him. “As you’re well aware.”