I would be broken, erased, and forgotten.
He warned me, but I didn’t listen.
But I’m not completely shattered. I refuse to let him have that satisfaction. I force myself to look into his eyes as I wield the raw, consuming pain eating me alive into armor. He cannot hurt me anymore than he already has.
I am broken. I am heartless. I am untouchable.
My rage fills me until it feels like a real, living, breathing thing between us. And then, almost as if my fury has actually transformed into a monster, a piercing alarm sounds over the loudspeakers.
Three loud, succinct wails.
Darkling.
The dance floor breaks into chaos. Shadow guardians file into the room, headed by Mr. Willis. Part of me wonders where they were when I was up here having my heart publicly crushed for fun. But then again, I guess it’s only Fae they protect; we humans mean nothing to them.
I watch inebriated shadows run to find their keepers, and a dark smile finds my face. That duty no longer applies to me.
As everyone rushes around, trying to figure out the best place to hide, no one notices as I slip away, still wearing my crown.
54
The headmistress doesn’t seem surprised when I walk into her office. I’m still in my dress, the long hem stained from being dragged over the floor after I slipped off my heels. The crown fits tightly to my head. She doesn’t seem surprised by that, either.
“I’m here to ask that you expel me from school,” I say. My voice comes out emotionless, robotic.
She lifts her eyebrows. “On what grounds?”
“I’m sure you’ve heard what happened.” One hand goes to my throat, but I force it down. “I used a spell to make everyone think I was the prince’s soulbonded mate. Oh, I also slept with both Rhaegar and the prince. Is that enough? Or do you need the cleverly edited slideshow to convince you?”
She regards me for a long time. Long enough that I notice the ticking of the clock in her office. Long enough that I know she’s already seen the slideshow.
Then she steeples her long fingers together and releases a deep sigh. “Somehow, I think that is not what happened at all, Miss Solstice. But in this particular case, expulsion is best for everyone. Especially after what happened with your friend, Evelyn Cantrell.”
For the first time since this all happened, I let emotion slip through the carefully constructed armor around my heart. I’d forgotten about her. I knew Mack was safe because I saw her with Asher being herded by a group of shadow guardians into the gym.
“Is Evelyn okay?”
Lepidonis glances down at the papers on her desk, back to me. “I’m sorry to inform you that your friend changed into a darkling sometime last night. She escaped the Island, but not before killing two shadows trying to protect their keepers and a Dawn Court Fae. I hear she was searching for you, almost like she was sent to find you.”
I sink against the wall, too shocked to feel the pain of it all yet.
“Very few are aware that when a human is pregnant with a Fae child, that child’s magic can turn its host mother into a kind of darkling. They are more sentient than regular darklings, and they look almost human.”
“I—I didn’t know that was a risk of carrying a Fae baby.”
“But you knew she was pregnant.” The disappointment in her voice is like a slap to the face. “If we had been aware, we might have been able to give her medicine to stall the transformation until the child was born but . . .” She waves her hand, an angry gesture, and fixes her stern gaze on me. “That is why our rules are so important.”
I nod as guilt settles in my belly. I should have told someone. I should have done something.
“Do you have any things to gather before you leave?” she asks softly, and the almost kindness in her voice is enough to bring me to tears.
I shake my head. As soon as I left the dance, I rushed to the dorms for the picture of my parents. I have nothing else.
She nods as if that was expected. “Very well. I’ll have Magus prepare to transport you back home.”
It takes a moment for that last word to sink in. “Home?”
The word feels awkward in my mouth. Wrong.