I shake my head. “No, I think I can do this part myself. It’s looking at it afterwards I’m going to need you for.”
“Sure, honey,” she says soothingly. “Whatever you like.”
I nod, take a deep breath, and walk into my bathroom. The instructions are pretty straightforward: remove the cap and pee on the stick. Then wait and see. It takes me a few minutes to calm down enough to do what I need to, and then I sit the test on the edge of the bathtub and wash my hands. Libby is waiting for me in my bedroom, and I make my way over to sit next to her on the mattress.
She puts her arm around my shoulders, and I rest my head against hers gratefully. “It says to check it in ten minutes.”
“I’ll set a timer. Do you want me to look at it for you?”
I shake my head sadly.
“I can do it. Just hold my hand if I freak out though.”
“I’ll be right by your side, girlfriend. Don’t worry about a thing!”
I laugh a bit despite myself and feel my heart expand with gratitude. After all, where would I be without my bestie? We met during freshman year of high school when stupid Cindy McAllister decided to pick on me. Libby stood up to the mean girl and told her the zit on her chin had popped and was leaking pus. I’ll never forget the look on Cindy’s face, and since then, Libby and I have been inseparable.
Meanwhile, we sit in silence while we wait, and never in my life has ten minutes felt so long. Finally, the alarm sounds on Libby’s phone and I jump, nearly crawling out of my skin.
“Hey,” my bestie says as she takes my hand and gives it a squeeze. “Whatever it says, you’re going to be alright, okay? Whatever shows up on that test, I know you can handle it. You’re a strong woman, and I’ll be here to help you every step of the way.”
Again, my chin trembles a bit.
“I’m not so sure, but it helps having you here for this. Thank you for coming. I owe you, Libs. Really.”
She smiles encouragingly at me, and I take a deep breath before walking to my bathroom. It’s scary. The white stick sitting on my tub is like a black hole, with my future as a deep, dark abyss. I stop approximately a foot away from the tub and just stare at it.
“Do you need me to look first?” Libby offers from behind my shoulder. As promised, she has my back.
“No. I need to do this.”
Taking a deep breath, I close the distance between me and the tub and pick up the stick. The word Pregnant stares back at me like a hurricane ready to rip its way through my life and my future. I keep staring at it, unable to process what this means at first. Is there really a baby in my belly right now? One made of both me and Jack Straithmore?
My hands start to shake, and the indicator falls from my palm and hits the floor. The sound of it clattering against the tile is so loud I imagine people several streets away can hear my world shifting and changing right before my eyes.
“This can’t be real,” I stammer. “It can’t be. Jack won’t want the child. Oh god, what am I going to do?”
Sobs hit me like a wrecking ball, but Libby is right there to catch me. She wraps her arms around me and tucks my head into her shoulder, letting me cry. “I’ve got you, sweetie. Shhhh.”
“I—I don’t know,” I try to talk through my tears.
“Shh,” Libby runs her hand up and down my back. “You don’t have to figure it all out right now. Give yourself some time to let this sink in.”
It takes me a few minutes, but my heartrending sobs slow to a gentle sniffle, and Libby walks me back to my bed where we both lay down. I just stare at the ceiling while tears stream down the side of my face, soaking the sheets.
“I don’t have a degree. I work as a barista making minimum wage. How am I going to do all this with a baby?”
Libby reaches across the bed and grips my hand. “You won’t have to do it alone. There are lots of resources, and –”
I cut her off.
“I can’t ask you to drop what you’re doing to help me all the time. And Jack, oh my god, he’s already raised a child. I’m sure he’s done because what man in his 40’s is looking to be a dad again? He isn’t going to want to start over just because I was too stupid to take my birth control at the right time every day.”
Libby thinks for a moment.