We only had a few days together, but he reminded me how good it feels to care. To connect. To look into someone’s eyes and know they really get you, even the strange parts.
And Nick and I can still have that connection as friends. Eventually, I’ll stop wanting to kiss him, and the sizzling will fade to background noise. Our former attraction will become old wallpaper, something we breeze by without even noticing.
Or so I tell myself.
But hours later, when Nick eventually drifts off on the couch beside me, I stay awake and study him, memorizing every slope and curve of his sleeping face.
I want to hold each second with him close and lock it away in a special place in my heart even though it hurts.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Alexandra
Six months later…
They say the wheels of justice grind slowly yet exceedingly fine.
For Stefano and Tony, the “slow” part couldn’t be more off-base. Within two weeks of our return from Bali, our forensic team cracked the digital animal network, and the dominoes began to fall. Not long after, Stefano and Tony were both sentenced to life in prison, and dozens of members in their network were taken into custody.
Most are still awaiting trial, but similar outcomes are all but assured.
For Blaire, however, justice does prove to be tortoise-like in its arrival. It takes twelve weeks to conclude the internal investigation and another twelve to appoint her interim replacement and set a date for her trial.
In the meantime, every promotion she approved before she was outed as a traitor is put on hold until the candidates can be re-vetted by an outside firm.
By the time Nick is finally cleared to take over the field office in Baden-Bergen, spring has sprung, and it’s warm enough to wear a sundress to our first official meeting since December.
I’ve seen Nick at family events this year and daydreamed about that morning in bed with him far more often than I’d like, but we haven’t stepped over the line again since we left Bali.
Which is for the best.
It really is, even though my chest aches every time I lay eyes on him.
Truly, it…aches, a sensation akin to grief.
I imagine I might have felt this way if Gerg and I had drifted apart in a less hurtful way. Anger at his betrayal kept the pain at arm’s length in my ex’s case, but I’m not angry with Nick. I wasn’t married to him, either—obviously—so there’s really no reason it should hurt to see him.
But it does.
And today is no different.
Nick opens the door to his office, the one with the picture windows, the view of the sun-drenched city, and the flower-filled balcony, and my ribs squeeze my heart too hard.
Damn, he’s pretty.
And he always looks so happy to see me.
It’s nice. And painful. Painfully nice, but I’m glad he’s in my life. Even if he’ll never be in my life in that way.
“Hey there, you.” His smile stretches wider as his gaze skims up and down before returning to my face. “You look amazing. Why have I never seen you in yellow?”
“Thanks.” I roll my eyes, hopefully distracting him from the flush I feel heating my cheeks. I’m ridiculous when it comes to this man. One compliment, one lingering look, and I blush like a kid with her first crush. “You’ve never seen me in yellow because you’ve never seen me dressed to coo over baby things. Lizzy’s shower is this afternoon.” I wrinkle my nose. “Sabrina’s making us all wear yellow so we’ll match in the pictures.”
Nick chuckles. “You sound excited.”
“I’m excited to meet my niece or nephew. Less excited to play ridiculous doll-diapering games and gossip with women I barely know.” I step past him into the roomy office, admiring the antique leather chairs in the corner and the modern art on the walls. “I like what you’ve done with the place. Is that a Schiele?”
“Thanks. Yeah. I enjoy his obsession with women in knee socks.”
I smile. “I don’t think it was an obsession. I’m pretty sure all the prostitutes wore knee socks back in his day.”
“Really?” Nick hums beneath his breath. “Well, that makes it a little sadder, doesn’t it?”
“I don’t know.” I wander deeper into the room, studying the model’s expressive blue eyes. “I think he painted them with a respectful gaze. Acknowledged their complex humanity. That’s nice.”
Nick comes to stand behind me, murmuring, “It is, I agree.” The warmth of his body against my back makes me ache all over again, but this time, it spreads from my chest to lower, more dangerous places.
Silently, I thank the universe I’ll only be alone with him for a few minutes. Soon, Sabrina will swing by the café down the street to pick me up for Lizzy’s shower, and I won’t see Nick again until dinner tonight, where we’ll be surrounded by family, and it will be easier to pretend I don’t want to kiss him.