What a depressing thought.
Devan gathers me up. I might laugh at his insistence on carrying me around, but honestly I like it. I even liked it on those birthdays when he tossed me over his shoulder and hauled me out of whatever place I was partying at. I’m going to miss this, too.
God, I’m in danger of becoming melancholy.
He carries me into the bedroom and sets me on my feet long enough to divest me of my clothing. His follow, and I don’t get an opportunity to ogle him properly because he drags me onto the bed and tucks us in.
I lay half sprawled on his wide chest and try to work up the energy to argue. “We still have three birthdays.” Four, technically, but he’s right about skipping twenty-two. I don’t want to revisit that night. I’ve never been so grateful for Devan’s meddling as I was that night.
He smooths a big hand down the center of my back. “I’m only human, Hazel. You’ve worn me the fuck out.”
I lift my head, something like panic fluttering in my throat. “But if we fall asleep, then it will be morning and this will be over.”
Devan takes me in with those dark eyes that have always seen too much. “That bother you?"
“Of course it bothers me.” We’ve already clearly lined out what tonight means, and I’m not about to change the rules now, no matter how my heart aches at the thought of never seeing him again. I can’t ask for more. I won’t. If I dredged up the courage to, and he rejected me, it would hurt too badly. Better to not put myself out there at all, at least not more than I already have tonight.
This paid off. Maybe telling him you want more time would, too?
I ignore that voice. I can’t allow hope to kindle, can’t indulge it for fear of it being dashed across the rocks of harsh reality.
Devan smooths my hair back. “I’d like to renegotiate.”
I blink. Renegotiate?
He keeps going before I can come up with a response. “Another day and night should be plenty of time to hit those last three birthdays.”
My chest gets tight. “You’re offering another twenty-four hours?”
“Yeah.” He watches my face closely. “If you’re good with that.”
It takes everything I have to keep my expression locked down. Even so, a smile pulls at the edges of my lips. “I suppose I could clear my schedule.”
“Do that.” He keeps up that soothing touch, trailing his fingers over my temple and down behind my ear. “I think we both need some recovery time.”
I’m delightfully sore, but he’s right. Much more and that delicious feeling might edge into something uncomfortable. I trail my fingers over the light dusting of hair across his chest. “I guess you’ll have to kiss my pussy better before you fuck me again.”
He huffs out a laugh. “Don’t start something neither one of us can finish.”
I’m suddenly afraid that it’s exactly what I’ve done by orchestrating this trip down memory lane for us. How am I supposed to go back to fucking normal people after I’ve had Devan? He reaches down into my deepest, darkest parts and plucks the strings of my desires there. Without shame. Without judgment.
I don’t say any of that aloud, though. There’s no point. If I’m gifted with more time with Devan, I won’t do anything to endanger it. I have questions for him, though. “Can you answer something for me?”
He tenses, but seems to force himself to relax. “Sure.”
“What do you do for a living?”
Devan stares at me for a long moment and then gives a ragged laugh. “What a blow to the ego. You never bothered to look it up?”
“I did look it up. You don’t have a single social media profile that I can find. You’re not even on the business ones.” I honestly considered hiring a private investigator, but even I can recognize that doing so would cross half a dozen lines. Devan never did anything wrong, never acted in any way that would justify invading his privacy. I might be an asshole, but even I have limits. Most of the time.
He settles back against the bed and laces his hands behind his head. “I work in tech security.”
“What?” I frown. Of all the things I considered, that had never occurred to me. “You’re a geek?”
“Sure, if you want to put it like that. I’m good with computers, better with security systems and building firewalls and the like.” He waves that away. “It’s boring shit.”
I don’t think it’s boring at all. I settle more firmly against his side, relishing the closeness even as I tell myself not to get used to it. “I would have thought you’d do something more…physical.”
He raises his brows. “What makes you say that? I’m no hard-bodied soldier type. Not anymore.”