I carefully wrap as much of my fist around him as possible. “I don’t know if I can take this.”
“You can.” He doesn’t move, just waits for me to decide for myself.
As if I’m going to turn away from him now, giant cock or not. The thought almost makes me laugh. I take a deep breath, do my best to quell my nerves and dip down to take him into my mouth. It’s a slow slide, and I immediately make my peace with the fact I won’t be able to take him all, or even take this much for long. That’s okay. I am more than capable of working with what I have.
“Look at me, Hazel.”
I open my eyes and look up his body to his face. He’s staring down at me as if… I honestly don’t know. I’m not sure how to define the expression on his face. Intense, yes, but there are layers I’m not capable of peeling back.
It’s always been that way with me and Devan. He’s the wall I crash against over and over, so strong it seems like nothing I do touches him until, just for a moment, he’ll crack a little and the sunlight will stream in.
It feels like that right now. Like I’m being bathed in sunlight.
Then he shuts it down, once more the disapproving asshole. “You should see how you look right now, those pretty red lips wrapped around my cock.” He shakes his head slowly. “You’re the most fucked up combination of sinful and innocent. It’s enough to mess with a person’s head.”
I ease off his cock enough to say. “Which way do you want me to play?” God knows I can do both; I’ve angled one or another in the past, though being innocent never felt particularly comfortable. It’s not who I am.
“You don’t get it.” He wraps his free hand around his cock and drags it along my bottom lip. “Be you, Hazel. That’s what I want. That’s all I want.”
He might as well have stripped me down to my skin; further even, down to the flesh, blood, and bones beneath. Burrowing deep to the locked space around my heart. “No one wants that.”
Devan lowers his brows. “You don’t mean that.”
“Please.” My throat feels appallingly tight all of a sudden. “We both know it’s the truth. I’m not as bad as I used to be, but I’m messy. No one wants that kind of clusterfuck in their lives. Not for long, anyway.”
He releases me and sinks down. He’s tall enough that we’re almost the same height like this, me on the bed, him on his knees. Devan taps my forehead. “Stop that.”
“Oh, sure. I’ll get right on that. Just, poof, damage gone.” I snap my fingers.
His expression goes forbidding and then he clasps my throat, pushing me down onto the bed. I don’t fight it. Why would I? I’ve only played with kink, with dominance and submission, here and there in the past, but I have enough experience to know that I crave the letting go as much as I fear it. The last Domme I played with—the one with all the strap-ons—made me come half a dozen times and somehow that resulted in me sobbing my heart out. She handled it gracefully and took care of me in the aftermath, but that was one experience that deterred me from going deeper into the kink community.
I have no desire to be seen that thoroughly.
With Devan, it’s different. He’s experienced all my rough edges already. How could he miss them when he’s been present for the worst nights of my life?
“That’s always been your problem, birthday girl.” He drags his hand down the center of my body, stopping just below the waistband of my garter belt. “You think too damn hard. Knock it off.”
“Wow.” At least I manage to sound sarcastic instead of weepy. “Look at that; you’ve solved my over-thinking just like you solved my damage. You should charge for your services, Devan. You’d make a killing off poor little rich girls with their sad little broken hearts.”
He doesn’t answer with words. He simply shoves my legs wide and delivers a stinging slap to my pussy. I shriek and arch up. “What the fuck are you doing?”
“Am I interrupting the pity party?” He raises his brows. “Sorry.”
“I hate you,” I grit out. The slap surprised me more than it hurt, but that doesn’t mean I’m about to admit as much. “You’re such a dick.”
“Keep talking like that and I’ll have to punish you again instead of licking this pretty pussy the way we both want. Wouldn’t that be a crying shame?”
I open my mouth to snap back, but manage to close it without responding. Is pushing back really worth denying myself the pleasure of Devan’s tongue? Of course not.
He massages my thighs lightly, still holding them wide. “You said you have your own fantasies about how tonight plays out. Tell me.”