“I mean it, Lexi. I want you. I want to be with you. I want to hug you, kiss you, make love to you. I want to spend every day of our lives loving you up close, instead of from afar like I’ve been doing for years.”
His hands lock behind my back, and he pulls me closer to him, our bodies flush against one another. “Tell me you want that too. Tell me you need me the way I need you. I’ve seen the way you look at me, the way you touch me. The other night at the concert, the way your body fit perfectly against mine. The way your lips molded against mine. It’s like you were made just for me.”
I want so badly to say yes. To wrap my arms around him and tell him I want him the way I want to spend my days surfing. I need him like I need to paint, to create. I love him like I love the smell of the saltwater. He’s my addiction. I crave him every day. But I can’t tell him any of that. Because when the grief lessens and he realizes I’m not what he needs, I’ll lose him. He thinks he needs me as his girlfriend, but what he really needs is me as his friend. And that’s exactly what I’m going to be—his friend.
“I love you so much,” I tell him, wrapping my arms around his neck. I breathe in his scent and my eyes momentarily close, getting lost in everything that is Alec. “But I can’t be with you.”
He tightens his hold around me before loosening his grip so he can back up slightly and make eye contact with me. “Lex, please.”
“You don’t mean this. You’re hurting. You just lost your dad and your heart has a gaping hole in it. But I can’t be the one to fill it. I love that I’m the person you turned to for comfort. It means the world to me. And I’m here for you. But we both know we can’t have anything more than friendship.”
His gaze sears into mine. “What I know is that losing my dad made me realize how short life is, and I don’t want to spend it in denial. I’m in love with you. And yeah, maybe it looks bad admitting that right after my dad died, but it doesn’t make it any less true.”
God, I want to believe that, so damn badly. But I can’t chance it. If he changes his mind… If he regrets it later… He’s hurting and not thinking clearly, and I have to be the clearheaded one for both of us, so we don’t make any decisions we’ll regret later. Decisions we can’t take back or come back from.
I cup his face with my hands. “I’m sorry, but you’re my best friend and it can’t be anything more.”
Alec sighs, shaking his head. “There already is something more. I was part of that kiss we shared before my dad died.”
“The kiss you told me shouldn’t have happened?”
“Because I was scared,” he barks. “Just like you are.”
“Hey, Lexi,” Jason calls out. “Everything okay?”
Alec tenses, tilting his head slightly to the side. “Everything’s fine.”
“I asked Lexi,” Jason says.
“I’m okay,” I yell back. “I’ll be over there in a minute.” I turn back to Alec. “I’m supposed to be practicing for the upcoming surfing comp, but if you want to go somewhere—”
“No,” Alec says. “Go surf.” He grips the curves of my hips and pulls me into him until our bodies are flush. His face is so close to mine, I can feel his warm breath on me when he whispers, “This isn’t over, Lex.” He kisses the corner of my mouth, and a shiver runs down my spine. “I know you feel the same way I do, and I’m going to prove it to you.”
He walks me back to where my stuff is and then takes off. Once he’s gone, Jason walks over. “Your boyfriend?”
“No, just a friend.” But as the word friend leaves my lips, I know that’s not entirely true. Alec is so much more than that, even if I don’t want to admit it.
“Let me take you out,” Jason says. When I hesitate, he closes the distance between us. “Please. Just one date.”
I should tell him no, admit that I have feelings for someone else, but does it matter what feelings I have for Alec when I refuse to act on them? Maybe going out with Jason will help me force the idea of Alec and me from my head—and heart. At the same time, I want Jason to understand...
“I’ll go out with you, but I’m not looking for anything serious right now.”
“Got it,” he says with a nod. “Just one date.”
Alec
It’s been almost a week since I made it clear to Lexi, I’m not giving up on us. The problem is, since then, she’s been avoiding me like the plague. Most days and nights, she’s at the beach surfing. The few times I’ve tried to hang out there, she’s made it a point to act like she’s too busy to spend time with me. And when she’s home, instead of watching television in the living room, she stays in her room. At night, when she goes to bed, she shuts her door. I’m trying to be patient. I know this is her way of fighting the inevitable, but I’m getting a little antsy.