Everyone stays for a while afterward, talking and hanging out, until it gets late and we all say good night. Georgia rode with me in my jeep, so we head back home together, Alec following.
“I’m going to head to the beach,” I tell her once I pull up into my parking spot.
“It’s late,” she points out.
“I know. I’m just going to go paint.”
“You’re just trying to leave so you don’t have to explain yourself… It’s okay if you want to travel, Lex.” She looks over at me, a sad smile splayed across her lips. “I just wish you had said something.”
“Honestly, I wasn’t sure until Alec’s dad asked me about my plans.”
“So, when are you planning to leave?”
“I don’t know. I still have a year of school left. I was thinking next summer, if I graduate on time.”
We’re both quiet for a couple minutes, and I know I need to make this right between Georgia and me. Explain to her where I’m coming from, so she’ll understand.
“Hey, sis,” I start. “Sometimes I feel a little lost.” My words come out as a whisper. I’m not good with being vulnerable, and Georgia is great about accepting me the way I am, which is why we’re not only sisters but best friends.
“I do too,” she agrees, her green eyes meeting my blue ones.
“It’s like we have this amazing life. The perfect parents. The sweetest brother.” Hot tears burn behind my lids. “We’re so blessed.”
“We are.”
“But sometimes I feel like I don’t fit in.”
“And I do?” She laughs softly.
“At least you know what you want to do in your life. I have no clue what I want to spend my life doing after graduation.”
“Oh yeah, my life is looking so glamorous. My goal in life has been to make sure I have a job where I can hide behind a computer screen,” she says, her words throwing me for a loop. I always assumed Georgia just preferred to stay behind the scenes. But now she’s making it sound like she’s unhappy not putting herself out there.
“I’m afraid,” I admit.
“Of what?”
“Of ending up a loser like my real mom.”
“That’s not possible. You’re like the most beautiful, coolest person I know.” She grins, trying to lighten the mood. “I don’t think it’s possible for you to be a loser.”
“My mom was pretty too. She was actually pretty freaking gorgeous. And she was the life of the party.” One day, without my dad knowing, I found her on social media and stalked her pictures. Even though she’s not alive, pictures never go away. Her pages are still up, but nothing has been added to them in years.
“That doesn’t mean anything.”
“I think I would feel better if I knew what I wanted to do with my life.”
“I think it’s okay to not know,” Georgia says. “After listening to you, I’m definitely questioning everything.”
“What do you mean?” I bring my hand down on top of hers.
“When you said you wanted to leave, it hit me that all these years I’ve been hiding from life, using you as a crutch.”
“Why have you been hiding?” I feel bad that I’ve never asked that before. Georgia’s always been the way she is, and the same way she accepts me without question, I accept her. But maybe I should’ve asked…
She quickly averts her gaze, something I’ve only seen her do when she would lie to Mom and Dad to cover for me. They eventually caught on and it became a joke in our family. “When I was younger and we would go places, I would get nervous. I would feel like I was going to have a panic attack.”
“I remember.” She would go quiet and hide behind our parents or me. Mom would tell people she was just shy.
“When I’d be at home, or it would be just us, it wouldn’t happen. So, eventually I made it a point to not leave.” Something in her voice, in the way she’s refusing to look at me, tells me there’s more to this than she’s admitting. But I don’t call her out on it. When she’s ready, she’ll tell me.
“Maybe if you put yourself out there, you can overcome it. I mean, I’m not a doctor or anything, but I can be with you. If you don’t want to be stuck behind a screen, then you shouldn’t be.”
“You’re right. I think it’s time I get out of the house.”
“Really?” I grin, so proud of her for wanting to take this step.
She nods. “If you can be brave enough to travel the world on your own, I can be brave enough to put myself out there. Instead of saying we’re lost, how about we just say we’re looking down each road for the perfect path to take?”
“Finding our perfect path… I love that.”
“Me too. And I was thinking I could borrow something a little sexier for Alec’s birthday…”