But isn’t that what you usually do? Use them and lose them?
The thought came from the back of his conscience like a lone heckler pushing through a crowd.
He used women, yes, but they used him back. They knew the rules and played by them. If he thought a woman wasn’t going to stick to the programme, he wouldn’t allow things to progress past a drink and a flirty chat. He was a dab hand at picking the picket-fence-and-puppies type. But the women that pursued him were mostly out for a good time, not a long time, which suited him perfectly.
He didn’t want the responsibility of a relationship. He found the notion of a committed relationship suffocating. Having to answer to someone, having to take care of their emotional needs, being blamed when things didn’t work out, seemed to him to nothing short of torture. He didn’t need that sort of drama. He had seen enough during his childhood. Watching his parents fight and tear each other down only to make up as if nothing was wrong had deeply unsettled him. He never knew what was real, what was dependable and what wasn’t. Life with his parents had been so unpredictable and tempestuous he had decided the only way he could tolerate a connection with someone would be to keep it focused solely on the physical. Emotion had no place in his flings with women.
But for some reason it felt right to hold Jaz in his arms: to idly stroke his fingers up and down her silky skin, her slender back, her neat bottom, her slim thighs. He liked the feel of her lying up against him, her legs still entangled with his. He liked the soft waft of her breath tickling the skin against his neck where her head was buried against him.
He liked the thought that she trusted him enough to share her body with him without fear or shame.
Or maybe it was a pathetic attempt on his part to right the wrongs of the past. To absolve himself from the yoke of guilt about what had happened to her.
As if that’s ever going to happen.
Jaz lifted her head out from against his neck and shoulder to look at him. ‘Thank you,’ she said softly.
Jake tucked a strand of her hair back behind her ear. ‘For what? Giving you a ten on the Richter scale?’
‘It was a twelve,’ she said with a crooked little smile, then added, ‘But no. For being so...considerate.’
He picked up one of her hands and kissed the ends of her fingers. ‘I’m not sure anyone I know would ever describe me as considerate.’
‘You like people to think you’re selfish and shallow but deep down I know you’re not. You’re actually really sensitive. The rest is all an act. A ruse. A defence mechanism.’
He released her hand as he moved away to get off the bed. He shrugged on the other fluffy bathrobe, watching as her teeth started pulling at her lower lip as if she sensed what was coming. Good, he thought. Because I’m not going to pull any punches. There was no way he was going to play at happy families. No way. Sure, the sex was good. Better than good, when it came to that. But that was all it was: sex. If she was starting to envisage him dressed in a tux standing at the end of the aisle then she had better think again. Freaking hell. Next she would be talking about kids and kindergarten bookings.
‘Here’s what a selfish bastard I am, Jasmine,’ he said. ‘If you don’t stop doing that doe-eyed thing to me, I’m going to head back to London and leave you to face that bunch of wedding-obsessed wackos downstairs all on your own.’
She sat up and pulled the sheet up, hugging her knees close to her chest, her misty eyes entreating. ‘Please don’t leave... This weekend is important to me. I have everything riding on it. I don’t want anything to go wrong.’
He wanted to leave. Bolting when things got serious was his way of dealing with things. But there was young Emma Madden to consider. If Jaz took it upon herself to let that particular cat out of the bag as payback if he left then he could say goodbye to his business deal. Bruce Parnell would withdraw from the contract for sure. That sort of mud had a habit of sticking and making a hell of a mess while it did. Jake’s reputation would be shot. He wouldn’t be seen in the public eye as just a fun-loving playboy. He would be seen as a lecherous cradle snatcher with all its ghastly connotations.
‘I signed up for two weeks.’ He held up two fingers for emphasis. ‘That’s all. After that, we go our separate ways. Those are the rules.’
‘Fine,’ she said. ‘Two weeks is all I want from you.’
He sent her a narrow look. ‘Is it?’
Her expression was cool and composed but he noticed how her teeth kept pulling at her lip. ‘I’m not falling in love with you, Jake. I was merely making an observation about your character. Your prickliness proves my point. You don’t like people seeing your softer, more sensitive side.’