Now whenever she had sex that same shame lurked at the back of her mind. Although she enjoyed some aspects of making love—the touching and being needed—she hadn’t always been able to relax enough to orgasm. Not that any of her partners had seemed to notice. She might not be a proper Ravensdale but she sure could act when she needed to. Pretending to orgasm every time hadn’t been her intention. But once had turned into twice and then it had been far easier than explaining.
How could she explain her behaviour that night? The rational part of her knew the man at the party had some responsibility to acquire proper consent before he touched her, but how did she know if she’d given it or not? It would be his word against hers, that was, if he’d actually remembered. She’d seen him the next morning as the overnight guests were leaving but he had looked right through her as if he had never seen her before. Had she agreed to kiss him in the bathroom or had he come in on her and seized the opportunity to assault her? She didn’t know and it was the not knowing that was the most shameful thing for her.
Jaz wasn’t into victim blaming but when it came to herself she struggled to forgive herself for allowing something like that to happen. She had buried her shame behind a ‘don’t mess with me’ façade and a sharp tongue but deep inside she was still that shocked and terrified girl.
And she had a scary feeling if she spent too much time alone with Jake Ravensdale he would begin to see it.
* * *
Jaz was doing some work on Holly’s dress in her room and when her phone rang she picked it up without thinking. ‘Jasmine Connolly.’
‘Jaz. Finally you answered,’ Myles said. ‘Why on earth haven’t you returned my calls?’
‘Oh, hi, Myles,’ she said breezily. ‘How are you?’
He released a whooshing breath. ‘How do you think I am? I turn my back for a moment and my fiancée is suddenly engaged to someone else.’
Jaz smiled as she put her needle and thread down. It was working. It was actually working. Myles was insanely jealous. She had never heard him speak so possessively before. ‘You were the one who suggested we take a break.’
‘Yes, but dating other people is not the same as getting engaged to them. We’d only been apart twenty-four hours and you hooked up with him. No one falls in love that quickly. No one, and especially not Jake bloody Ravensdale.’
Jaz hadn’t really taken in that bit. The bit where Myles had said they were free to date other people. She’d thought he was just having some breathing space. Her ‘engagement’ to Jake wouldn’t have the same power if Myles was seeing someone else. What if he fell in love? What if he got engaged to someone else? ‘Are you seeing other people?’
There was a short silence.
‘I had a drink with an old friend but I haven’t got myself bloody engaged to them,’ he said in a sulky tone.
Jaz twirled a tendril of her hair around her finger as she walked about the room with the phone pressed to her ear. How cool was this, hearing Myles sound all wounded and affronted by her moving on so quickly? Didn’t that prove he still loved her? The irony was he’d been the first to say those three magical little words. But he hadn’t said it for weeks. Months, even. But a couple more weeks of having Jake Ravensdale brandished in his face would do the trick. Myles would soon be begging her to take him back. ‘I have to go,’ she said. ‘Jake is taking me out to dinner.’
‘I give it a week,’ Myles said. ‘Two at the most. He won’t stick around any longer than that. You mark my words.’
Two is all I need. The winter wedding expo in the Cotswolds was the coming weekend. It was her stepping stone to the big time. She hoped to expand her business and what better way than to attend with a heart-stopping, handsome fiancé in tow? There was no way she wanted to go alone. She would look tragic if she went without a fiancé. She couldn’t bear to be considered a fraud, making ‘happy ever after’ dresses but failing to find love herself. But if she took Jake Ravensdale as her fiancé —the poster boy for pick-ups—it would give her serious street cred. Besides, it would be the perfect payback to him for humiliating her. It would be unmitigated torture for commitment-phobe Jake to be dragged around a ballroom full of wedding finery.
She smiled a secret smile. Yes, staying ‘engaged’ to Jake suited her just fine.
* * *
Jake was scrolling through his emails in the library—thankfully none were from Emma Madden—when Jaz came sashaying in, bringing with her the scent of flowers and temptation. His body sprang to attention when she approached the desk where he was sitting. She had changed out of her yoga pants and top and was now wearing skin-tight jeans, knee-length leather boots and a baby-blue cashmere sweater with a patterned scarf artfully gathered around her slim neck. Her honey-brown hair was loose about her shoulders and her beautiful mouth was glistening with lip-gloss, drawing his gaze like a magnet. He could still taste her. Could still feel the way her tongue had danced with his in sensual heat. He saw her gaze drift to his mouth as if she were recalling that erotic interlude. ‘Forgiven me yet?’ he said.