Jaz got out of bed but on her way to the window caught sight of her reflection in the mirror. How could she lie to her best friend? Lying by text was one thing. Lying in conversation was another. It didn’t seem right. Not when they had been friends for so long. ‘Miranda, listen, things aren’t quite what they seem... I’m not really engaged to Jake. We’re pretending.’
‘Pretending?’ Miranda sounded bitterly disappointed. ‘But why?’
‘I’m trying to win Myles back,’ Jaz said. ‘He wanted to take a break and I thought I’d try and make him jealous.’
‘But why did Jake agree to it?’ Miranda said.
‘I didn’t give him a choice.’ Jaz explained the situation about Emma briefly.
‘Gosh,’ Miranda said. ‘I was so excited for you. Now I feel like someone’s punched me in the belly.’
‘I’m sorry for lying but—’
‘Are you sure about Myles?’ Miranda said. ‘I mean, absolutely sure he’s the one?’
‘Of course I’m sure. Why else would I be going to so much trouble to win him back?’
‘Pride?’
Jaz pressed her lips together. ‘It’s not a matter of pride. It’s a matter of love.’
‘But you fall in and out of love all the time,’ Miranda said. ‘How do you know he’s the right one for you when you could just as easily fall in love with someone else tomorrow?’
‘I’m not going to fall in love with anyone else,’ Jaz said. ‘How can I when I’m in love with Myles?’
‘What do you love about him?’
‘We’ve had this conversation before and I—’
‘Let’s have it again,’ Miranda said. ‘Refresh my memory. List three things you love about him.’
‘He’s...’
‘See?’ Miranda said. ‘You’re hesitating!’
‘Look, I know you don’t like him, so it wouldn’t matter what I said about him; you’d find some reason to discount it.’
‘It’s not that he’s not nice and polite, handsome and well-educated and all that,’ Miranda said. ‘But I worry you only like him because you can control him. You’ve got a strong personality, Jaz. You need someone who’ll stand up to you. Someone who’ll be your equal, not your puppet.’
Jaz swung back from the window and paced the carpet. ‘I don’t like controlling men. I hate them. I always have and I always will. I could never fall in love with someone like that.’
‘We’ll see.’
She frowned. ‘What do you mean, “we’ll see”? I hope you’re not thinking what I think you’re thinking because it’s not going to happen. No way.’
‘Come on, Jaz,’ Miranda said. ‘You’ve had a thing for Jake since you were sixteen.’
‘I was a kid back then!’ Jaz said. ‘It was just a stupid crush. I got over it, okay?’
‘If you got over it then why have you avoided him like the black plague ever since?’
Jaz was close to Miranda but not close enough to tell her what had happened that night after she’d left Jake’s room. She wasn’t close enough to anyone to tell them that. Sharing that shame with someone else wouldn’t make it go away. The only way she could make it go away was not to think about it. If she told anyone about it they would look at her differently. They might judge her. Blame her. She didn’t want to take the risk. Her tough-girl façade was exactly that—a façade.
Underneath all the bravado she was still that terrified sixteen-year-old who had got herself sexually assaulted by a drunken guest at the party. It hadn’t been rape but it had come scarily close to it. The irony was the person who did it had been so drunk they hadn’t remembered a thing about it the following morning. The only way Jaz could deal with it was to pretend it hadn’t happened. There was no other way. ‘Look, I’m not avoiding Jake now, so you should be happy,’ she said. ‘Who knows? We might even end up friends after this charade is over.’
‘I certainly hope so because I don’t want Julius and Holly’s wedding, or mine and Leandro’s, spoilt by you two looking daggers at each other,’ Miranda said. ‘It’s bad enough with Mum and Dad carrying on World War Three.’
‘That reminds me. Have you met Kat Winwood yet?’ Jaz asked.
‘No.’ Miranda gave a sigh. ‘She won’t have anything to do with any of us. I guess if I were in her shoes I might feel the same. What Dad did to her mother was pretty unforgiveable.’