I reach for her, only to find her side of the bed empty and cold. Turning on the bedside lamp, my eyes adjust to the muted light. There’s a soft glow coming from the closet. Slipping into my boxers, I pad across the room and open the door to find her on the floor in front of her suitcase.
“What are you doing?”
“Packing,” she says, without making eye contact.
“I can see that, but it’s five in the morning.” I look over my shoulder to verify that I’m close on the time. “This could wait until tonight, after dinner.”
Macey remains on the floor, rolling and twisting the clothes I’ve bought her into her small suitcase. I glance quickly at her portion of the closet and find the gowns she’s worn this week still hanging.
It’s only when I hear her sniffle that I realize something’s wrong.
“Have I hurt you?”
“No,” she mumbles. I go to her and sit on the floor, moving the suitcase out of my way so I can see her. When she looks at me, her eyes are wet and red-rimmed.
“Macey?”
She shakes her head. “I have to go home.”
“We have one more day,” I remind her, but she continues moving her head back and forth. It dawns on me that something may be wrong at home and I’ve selfishly reminded her that her time with me isn’t up yet.
She stands without answering and disappears into the bathroom, leaving me wondering why she has the sudden urge to leave. When the shower starts, I follow and join her.
Her body shivers either as a result of the still-cool temp of the water or from my touch. I want it to be from me, but I’d never admit that to her. Wrapping my arms around her shoulders, her head falls back as the water begins to soak us.
“Why do you need to leave?”
She sighs and I feel her start to cry. It starts in her belly, working its way up. Macey tries to hold back, but to no avail.
“It’s better this way,” she says, but I don’t understand. Our agreement is solid. And if she leaves early I could negate the entire thing. Does she not realize that?
I bring us to the other side of the shower, away from the water, leaving it on so it provides us with a little warmth. With my hand cradling her face, I pull her chin up to look at me.
“Tell me what’s wrong.”
She clutches my wrist and shakes her head. Macey forgets that I can read her like a book, that I know when she’s upset. It doesn’t matter if she’s trying to fight back the tears or not.
“I’m not going to ask again, Macey. If you leave now, there is no money. You’ll be breaking our contract.” The words tumble out of my mouth before I can realize the impact they’ll have on her and me. I don’t want to take the money away from her, but without any indication of why she’s leaving, I have no choice. Everything was fine; at least I thought it was, until now.
“I’m in too deep,” she says over the rush of the water. “I feel things that I shouldn’t.” Her words cause me to take a step back. My hands drop and as she reaches for me, I exit the shower, leaving her there to come to terms with what she said. Her words throw me, cause my heart to race. I can’t be in the same room as her, knowing that she feels things that I don’t. That I never will. Some call me emotionally stunted and I’ve been fine with that title. I like the way I am.
I dry off and dress quickly before rushing upstairs to my office. Macey moves around downstairs and every few seconds I hear her sob and know that I should go to her, but I don’t. Instead, I get the money I owe her, all in cash, and take it downstairs.
“Do you need me to book your flight?” I ask, standing behind her. She stiffens, but shakes her head. I nod, but she can’t see me. “Your money is on the table. It was great seeing you again, Macey.”
I turn on my heel and exit the room, my apartment and her life. It’s the only way I know how to be. I don’t want a prolonged goodbye or one last roll between the sheets. It’s best to break things off with her this way, before she gets any deeper.
“It’s early,” Lamar says, answering my call.
“Macey is leaving today. Make sure she gets to the airport.”
“Okay,” he says, pausing. “Anything else?”
“Should there be?”
“I don’t know, boss. You tell me.”
The silence between us is filled with static. There is so much more, but none of which I’m willing to admit. I don’t want her to go, not today and definitely not tomorrow. I don’t know if it’s the jealousy that is burning deep over this Morgan person or what, or maybe it’s the fact that I want her to stay of her own accord, to be a thorn in my side knowing that I’m watching her each time she enters my casino. I want her to fill the void, to fill the emptiness that I have felt for years.