She was facing the same dilemma all over again. If she went on the holiday on her own it would be like turning up to the ball on her own.
She would be outed as a big fat abnormal fraud.
Abby shoulders slumped. ‘That’s sweet of you, Luke, but even if it was transferable I won’t be able to go.’
‘Why not?’
She put the phone back in her purse with another sigh. ‘I’d have to use it within the next month.’
‘Why is that a problem?’ Two horizontal pleats formed between his eyes. ‘Can’t you take some time off from work?’
‘Taking leave isn’t the problem,’ Abby said. ‘I have plenty of time owed me. It’s taking someone with me that’s the kicker.’
Something passed over his retinas like ripples on the surface of a lake. Then he frowned again, deeper this time. ‘Stop that thought right there.’
Abby put on her most beguiling expression. ‘What thought?’
‘I’m not going with you on that damn holiday, Abby. I told you the deal. Tonight for two hours—and we’re over time as it is.’
‘But it’s only for a week,’ she said. ‘And I’ve always wanted to stay on a private island—any island, actually. I haven’t had a proper holiday for ages and it would be so cool to stay in a luxury villa and—’
‘Take a girlfriend,’ he said. ‘Take Ella.’
‘Ella won’t go during school term, she’s way too dedicated a teacher to do something like that,’ Abby said. ‘And anyway, I can’t take a friend. Everyone will be expecting me to go with you, especially since you won the prize. How will I explain it if you don’t go with me?’
‘Put that creative imagination of yours to use and think of something.’ His sarcasm cut like a hunting knife.
‘Are you only saying no because of what I told you?’
‘I’m saying no because you and I getting it on is a crazy idea.’
‘Why is it crazy?’ Abby was trying to keep her ego from curling up in the foetal position and rocking in the corner. Was she so disgusting—so abnormal—that he couldn’t bear the thought of making love to her? Had she misread his kiss and his touch?
His arousal?
‘Abby…’ His breath came out in a long whoosh as if he was trying to keep control and was only just managing to do so. ‘I’m not denying I find you attractive. I do. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to act on it.’
‘But why not?’ Abby was hoping she might win this argument as compensation for not winning the holiday. ‘Why is my being a virgin such a big issue for you? I have to have sex some time. It might as well be with you—someone I know personally instead of a complete stranger.’
‘You and me? That’s crazy talk.’ His voice had a gravelly intensity to it, as if he was digging deep to hold on to his resolve. ‘You want marriage and all it entails. I’m not interested in going down that path, with you or anyone.’
‘Is that because of your parents’ divorce?’ Abby said. ‘Ella told me how awful it was.’
Luke’s mouth thinned as if he had just eaten something bitter as bile. ‘Yeah, well, it doesn’t get much worse than when your dad suddenly announces he has a mistress and a baby on the way the night before your fifteenth birthday. But it’s not because of that. I don’t want the complication of a long-term relationship.’
‘Where did you get the idea I’m asking for anything long-term from you?’ Abby said. ‘I just don’t want to be a virgin any more. I feel embarrassed about it. Really embarrassed. That’s why I haven’t said anything to Ella. I feel like a freak for not having had sex yet.’
‘I’m sorry but I can’t help you with that.’ He picked up his coffee and drained the contents, placing the cup back down with a definitive clunk.
Abby crossed her legs and folded her arms, her lips pushed forward in a moue. ‘Excuse me while I do some urgent CPR on my bludgeoned ego.’
A flicker of concern went through his gaze. ‘It’s not meant as an insult. Think about it. How would we explain it to Ella?’
‘I think she would be thrilled you were finally taking a break from work.’
His features reminded her of a shuttered window. ‘I run a global company. There isn’t time for—’
‘No wonder you get migraines,’ Abby cut in. ‘You push yourself too hard. I have a theory about people who are workaholics. They fill their days with work because they don’t want to face what’s missing in their life.’