“How could you?” I can’t look at her. Not because of anger. Because of the hurt that rests across my chest.
“One day I’ll tell you why. Just forgive me,” she pleads with me.
“I love you,” I tell her. “But right now, I really hate you.”
She covers her mouth with one hand and watches me walk to Seth, who hasn’t moved from the threshold.
“Seth.”
“Bethany.” He says my name sweeter than I say his. He even affords me a smile. “Are you ready?”
“No. No, I’m not. I wasn’t expecting you. When I asked my good friend,” I pause to look at her from the corner of my eyes, only to see her leaning against the wall. Her arms are crossed over her chest and her focus is straight ahead at the window rather than at us. “When I asked her to call someone, I wanted to leave. Not go back to Jase.” Before he can respond I add, “Not right now. I just need to breathe.”
“No, you don’t,” he tells me as if he knows what I need. As if he knows what I’m going through.
“I hear things. I see things. I don’t feel okay.” I don’t expect my voice to crack or the admission to stir up so much emotion, but it does.
“Hey,” he says then reaches out to brush my shoulder, and I notice how that gets Laura’s attention, how she watches him touch me.
He squeezes my shoulder gently when he tells me, “It’s going to be all right.” His voice is soothing, his dark eyes calming. “Come on, come with me.” Seth holds out his hand for me to take once he’s released his grip, as if he’s some sort of savior. “Jase doesn’t know, but you should tell him what you’re feeling.”
Guilt isn’t something I expected to feel.
“If she wants to, she will.” Laura speaks up for me, and when I look back at her over my shoulder, I can see her swallow and it’s not until I nod that she nods too.
I already forgive the two-timing bitch. I don’t understand, though. I’ll never understand why she sold me out.
Seth’s eyes stay on Laura’s a moment longer as he speaks, right before he looks back down to me, letting his hand fall to his side. “He’s going through something right now. He’s making mistakes and focusing all his time and energy on you. It’s causing problems.”
“He shouldn’t.” I refuse to be used as an excuse for someone else.
“I know that. He knows that too.”
He starts to say something else but I cut him off. “I’ll drive home myself.”
“I wanted to show you something.”
“I don’t want to see anything, talk about anything, or do anything at all but have a moment to just be away from all of this,” I practically hiss. “What can’t you understand about that?” Anger and desperation twine together. “I’m not okay, but I’m trying to be.”
“I wanted to show you something. But it can wait. We have time. Plenty of time. If you want to go home, know that I have to keep an eye on you.”
“How’s it feel to be a babysitter?” I can’t help the snide comment although I immediately apologize. “I’m not usually such a bitch,” I comment after he accepts.
“You could tell me whatever it is. I could go there myself.”
He only shakes his head.
“If you could be a non-problem… he has enough of them.”
“Wouldn’t me leaving be exactly that?” I already know the answer before it’s fully spoken.
“The fuck it is.” His quick response and even scorn at the thought throw me off. “He needs you by his side.” His statement strikes me at my core. The emotional crack destroys what little resolve I have left.
“I just don’t know if I’m the woman that can be by his side.” I almost tell him I don’t know if I can be by anyone’s side. Especially not now, with every day passing and the warning my mother gave me sounding louder and louder in my mind.
“Well, he chose you. And between the two of us, I know you are.”
Jase
“How could you be so fucking reckless?”
I don’t answer my brother. The silence is deafening as my shoulders tense and I lean against his desk with both my fists planted on the edge of it. He refused to wait for this meeting and demanded it happen right now; that’s how I knew he was aware of my fuckup.
Neither of us say anything. I can feel his eyes on me as he turns from the windows in his office and slowly takes his seat. The smell of polished leather and old books invades my senses as I do the same, sitting across from him and feeling the disappointment flow through me.
The need to check on Bethany rides me hard as I sit there. All I can think about is Bethany and how I hurt her.