“She can go with you,” I said. Honey glanced at me, then back at Momma and stayed at her side.
“She’s your dog,” she countered as she smiled down and pet Honey some more.
“I’m not so sure about that.”
“I’ll bring her to the station tomorrow.”
Once she and Honey were in her car and driving off, Gus pulled me into his arms.
“Are you all right?”
I frowned with my cheek against his shoulder. He smelled good, he felt good. Sturdy. Dependable. “You mean about Poe?”
“That, too,” Kemp said. “But about in there.” He tipped his head toward the library.
“Beirstad doesn’t bother me.”
“Why didn’t you say you weren’t in the running for sheriff?” he asked.
I stepped back and shrugged. While I wanted to stay in Gus’s arms, we were on the street. “It never came up. It hasn’t been a week, Kemp. I mean, I know your parents are in Minnesota, but I don’t even know if you have any brothers and sisters.”
He nodded. “Point taken.”
“And to be honest, you guys didn’t ask.”
“I think someone’s missing out on this conversation. Let’s go find Poe,” Gus replied.
“He fucked up, baby girl,” Kemp added. I had no doubt the three of them had talked after I left earlier.
I sighed, remembering Poe’s words. Watch that sass, sweetheart, or you’ll be over my knee getting your ass spanked faster than you took that fucker down.
They’d been said out of anger, out of emotion, although those words often offered the deepest insight. And that wasn’t all of it. He’d gone behind my back and gotten me a job. A safe job. “Yeah, well, I think he might have fucked up again.”
When they stared at me in confusion, I added, “He’s in jail.”
POE
* * *
I swore once I got out of juvie that I’d never be behind bars again. The claustrophobia of being locked away was something I would never forget, that still woke me up at night. But I did it for Parker. I had to get her to see me, to listen to how sorry I was. How much I fucked up everything.
I couldn’t have her walking away. Stupid of me? Perhaps. Desperate? Definitely.
She was the best thing that had ever happened to me. Hands down. I didn’t deserve her, obviously, since I was sitting once again behind bars. It hadn’t even been a week, but I was done for. Everything we shared, in bed and out, had been the closest, deepest relationship I’d ever had. And sharing her with Kemp and Gus… fuck, it made us a family.
I wanted a family. Ached for it. And yet I’d blown it before we’d barely begun. My past, my hang-ups reared their ugly head and now she hated me. I had a feeling she’d forgive me for talking with Porter—she knew I was a protective bastard—but it was what I’d said that was so much worse.
I’d used her submission against her. I’d disrespected it. Her. Shamed her. Made what she gave to me, to the three of us, willingly and with blind trust, into an embarrassment.
It was a beautiful thing, her submission. It made me so fucking hard for her, but it made me love her, too. Deeply. Purely.
And I’d taken that trust and destroyed it.
I stood, paced the small cell. I felt like a caged animal, not because of the bars, but because of my feelings. I wanted to rip my skin off, to shout, rage with frustration. I just had to hope she was merciful and forgiving. That she’d give someone who was as fucked up as I was a second chance.
I didn’t deserve it, but I wanted it. Needed it.
So I’d talked with Liam Hogan. We’d been friends for a while, involved in a monthly poker night. He’d told me where he was and I went flying past him in my truck going ninety in a fifty-five zone. He’d had no choice but to pull me over. I told him he had to put me in a cell. A ticket was all he’d offered, but I threatened him with breaking his nose so I’d get an assaulting an officer charge if that was what it took.