I blink, absorbing this coolly stated fact, his tone touched with impatience, as if this is nothing more than an irritation to deal with before getting on with his day.
‘Just because of today…?’
‘Today?’ Bruce sounds confused and even more impatient, and I realize he probably doesn’t even know I’m not at work. It’s only a little after nine. So this has nothing to do with me not showing up. ‘It was a hard decision, but the partners feel you haven’t discovered any truly substantial investments since All Natural, and that was six years ago now.’
Damn All Natural. I knew having a big hit when I was new would bite me in the ass one day. I just didn’t expect it to be this hard.
‘That’s not exactly true,’ I begin, wanting to mention the social media deal from six months ago, but I know there’s no point fighting it. When the partners decide, they decide. It’s over. ‘Was there any other reason?’ I ask woodenly.
‘Well…’ Bruce blows out a breath. ‘We did feel that you’ve been a bit distracted lately… it seems you have a lot on your mind?’ He pauses, as if he’s waiting for me to confess. I feel cold.
‘No,’ I say. ‘I’m not distracted. Why would you think that?’
‘I don’t know.’ Bruce backs off hastily. ‘It’s just a feeling. Personal issues maybe…’ He trails off, again waiting for me to fill the silence.
A suspicion is growing in me, an awful, sickening suspicion. ‘Did anyone else make partner?’
Bruce hesitates, and then I know. I can’t believe it, but I know.
‘Jill,’ I say, even though it seems unbelievable. She’s not even a principal yet. ‘Was it Jill Martin?’
‘Yes.’ Bruce sounds guilty, and he damn well should.
Jill. Jill stabbed me in the back. She must have told, or at least hinted, that I was planning to adopt. I was Mommy-tracked and I don’t even have a baby yet. Harrow and Heath have wanted a female partner for a while now, to look more PC, and they picked fucking Jill.
I disconnect the call without saying goodbye, even though I know it’s unprofessional. I didn’t make partner. I see my future with awful clarity; I’m going to be shunted to the sidelines, downgraded to the grunt work of searching through companies that will never so much as break even. I’ll either stay at that depressing mid-level or I’ll have to leave and start all over somewhere else, put in my time, my blood and sweat, prove myself again and again and again and still maybe never make the grade. I’m swamped by disappointment, and yet another part of me doesn’t even care. What’s my job compared to my daughter?
‘Grace?’
I turn to see Tina coming down the hall, and she doesn’t have a good look on her face. It’s a sympathy face, and my fingers go slack and my phone falls to the floor. This time the screen shatters.
‘No…’
‘The baby’s healthy,’ she says quickly. ‘Jaundiced and the lungs are underdeveloped, but a good weight. Four pounds, six ounces.’
‘And Heather…?’
‘She’s fine. Tired, I’m sure.’
‘Have you seen her? Have you seen the baby?’ My little girl. Somehow I can’t say the words, as if I’ll jinx it.
‘No, not yet.’ Tina hesitates, and I resist the urge to grab her by the shoulders and shake her.
‘What? What is it? What are you not saying?’
‘It’s only… the baby’s a boy.’
‘A boy…’ I blink, trying to get my head around this new reality.
‘And Heather… Heather is saying she’s not sure any more.’
I stare, uncomprehending, refusing to believe. So Tina clarifies it for me.
‘She’s saying she might want to keep the baby.’
Part Two
Thirteen