I consider something that I never did when Leonard and I were married. He could be insane. All that time, I thought I was dealing with a normal person.
“We’re not married. The certificate not being signed was a clerical error.” I speak to him as if I’m speaking to a child.
“I’m not a fool, Marian,” he snaps, reminding me of how quickly his anger came on. It started small and then exploded like a blaze that had had gasoline doused on it. “I know that it was a clerical error, but I’m thinking it’s a sign that we’re meant to be together.”
I feel the onset of a migraine. “Where’s Samantha’s mother now?”
“She went off and left me with Samantha,” Leonard says, but he doesn’t seem bothered by it.
“Where’s Samantha?”
“In Arlen. She lives with my mother until you and I can sort out our arrangements. Then she can come and stay with us,” Leonard says.
This is sick. I’m tempted to blurt out my own news, but I hold my tongue. Leonard doesn’t need to know. Besides, I’ve decided to keep the news to myself and the few people who already know until my appointment tomorrow with the obstetrician.
Leonard sees me fidgeting in my seat. “Okay, I’ll go. I know you’re busy. Promise to call me in a few days and let me know when you’re coming down,” Leonard says.
I can’t wait for him to get out of my office. I sit staring into space as I digest the news that Leonard has a daughter. His mother, Fiona, will raise her well. She’s got a good heart but is weak where Leonard is concerned. She could never stand up to him, but luckily for her, Leonard dotes on her.
My life feels messed up right now. I lower my hand to my belly and instantly feel peace. Nothing else matters except for Declan and my baby. Anything else that is going on is short-term.
Leonard will realize that I’m not going to budge, and he’ll agree to a motion for judgment nunc pro tunc. Declan and I will work through our differences as all couples do, and life will go back to normal. I love normal.
I’m out of the office most of the afternoon, finalizing venues and attending several meetings. I make it home at six, and my heart leaps when I see Declan’s car in the driveway. Relief floods me, and I can’t believe the joy and anticipation I feel just knowing he’s in the house. Still, I keep my cool as I stroll into the sweet-smelling kitchen. I can’t keep a smile from my face when I see him, clad in an apron.
He turns to me. “Hey you,” he says.
We stand facing each other, unsure of the next move. He’s the first to move. He closes the distance between us and plants a chaste kiss on my cheek.
“Dinner smells lovely,” I say, at a loss for words.
“Steak with porcini butter, tarragon sauce, roasted cauliflower, and crunchy potatoes,” Declan says.
My stomach growls in response. “Yum.”
“Go on and take your shower. Still a while before it’s ready.”
My heart is beating crazily in my chest. “Okay.” As I look into his eyes, I see something I’ve never seen before. Vulnerability. “Okay,” I repeat. I’d better go and take that shower before I make a complete fool of myself. I feel as if I’m in foreign seas that I don’t know how to navigate.
I’m glad for the shower and the time alone. By the time I’m finished and dressed, I feel a little more in control of my emotions. I don’t throw on my usual relaxing sweats. I pick a pretty pink sleeveless top and a mini skirt that’s casual enough for dinner at home.
I comb out my hair and let it flow to my shoulders, ignoring the voice in my head demanding to know why I’m going to so much trouble.
I’m glad I made an effort when Declan shoots me an appreciative glance.
“You look beautiful, but then again, you always do,” he says as he comes to the island and pulls back the stool for me. “Dinner is ready.”
“Thank you,” I murmur as I sit down. I feel like a guest in my own home. My hands feel like they belong to someone else. I place them on the island, but that doesn’t feel comfortable, and I drop them to my lap.
Declan brings over two plates of food, followed by two glasses of water.
I groan as I look at the delicious smelling food. “I’m going to get fat.” I inhale the sweet scent of the food. “It smells like heaven. How am I supposed to resist?”
“You’re not,” Declan says. “You’re eating for two, remember?”
I grin. “I have an excuse for gluttony for the next eight months or so.” I dig into the food. The potatoes are perfectly crunchy, and the steak, just right.