“Adamo and I aren’t in a serious relationship. We have fun together. That’s all.”
Remo leaned closer, and I shied back involuntarily. “Whatever’s between the two of you extends beyond fucking. You two share the same vices.”
“Adamo and I need to figure it out by ourselves.”
Remo gave me a look that sent a shiver down my back. I didn’t resent him for his protectiveness of his younger brother. If Adamo ever met my father…things wouldn’t be any different. Dad would try to scare him away or at least scare him into treating me right. If he wasn’t Remo Falcone’s brother, he’d probably even kill him. Maybe he’d do it anyway if he considered it the only option to protect me.
“Maybe we should talk about the reason why you’re here now. Ask whatever you want to know.”
“Did my father know all these years that my mother was alive?”
Remo nodded. “I never told him otherwise. I had no reason to kill her.”
“You didn’t, but my father had. So why didn’t you allow my father to kill her himself? I can see it in his eyes that he wants to do it. You are the only thing standing in his way,” I said.
“Because,” Remo growled. “That’s your privilege. I told your father I’d keep her in my territory until you were old enough to decide over her fate. I’d have thought you’d come along sooner to kill her.”
I froze, realizing the gift laid out before me, the gift Remo was offering. Dad had never mentioned that tidbit of information. Of course, he hadn’t. He wanted me in the light, and what Remo was offering led into the depth of hell. “You’ve kept her for me so I could kill her?”
Kill my mother. I had lost count of the times I’d considered it in abstract fantasies, but I had never been this close. My heart sped up. In the last few days, the idea had taken shape, but the Camorra had always seemed in my way, a barrier I’d have to pass to get what I wanted. Now I realized the only thing stopping me was me. If I wanted to do it, I could find her now and end her life.
“Kill her or do whatever else you see fit for someone like her after everything she’s done.”
“Broken me?” I clipped, even if it was a tone not fit for a Capo.
“I don’t see someone broken when I look at you. And if you think you are, then you should try to fix yourself because no one else can.”
I nodded. Dad had tried, Dima had tried, even Adamo was trying but deep down I knew there was only one way for me to get past what had happened.
“What if I want her to be free? What if I want to make my peace with her? Not everyone needs to kill their mother to move on.” It was a risky thing to say, but Remo had caught me on the wrong foot.
His expression became dangerous. “That’s true. Some people can make peace with their abusers, but our kind isn’t able to do it.”
Our kind. My father had always tried to keep me away from the darkness but its call had always been loud and clear in my heart. “I never considered killing her.”
Remo gave me a look that made it clear he didn’t believe me.
“In detail,” I amended. “I thought she was dead so I never really considered it a valid option. It was the impossible fantasy of a desperate mind.”
“It’s not an impossible fantasy anymore, Dinara. It’s your revenge. It’s in your reach. You only have to take it.”
I swallowed. “I can’t kill her now. Not yet. I’ve never killed anyone,” I admitted. I’d never even witnessed someone being killed. I had by accident walked in after a killing once when Dad had shot one of his soldiers in his office. But the man had been dead and lying in his blood. I hadn’t looked into his eyes in his last waking moments.
Remo shrugged. “No one’s without fault.”
I snorted. “Some people might see it as a virtue to refrain from killing.”
“Those are usually people who’ve never seen the dark side of life, and tasted how good it can be if you bend it to your will.”
“I have seen enough darkness…” I paused, trying to really feel inside of me. I didn’t doubt I could pull a trigger if given the right incentive, especially to protect myself or people I cared about. But revenge was a different beast. It stemmed from an even darker urge.
Yet, I wanted to follow its calling.
I practically bounced on the bar stool as I waited for Dinara to talk to Remo. It didn’t sit well with me that she had to deal with him alone.
“Remo wants to help her. There’s no reason for you to be tense,” Nino drawled. He sat on the bar stool beside me, regarding me with his usual analytical calm expression.