I’ve dry heaved twice. Scott’s going to send Mom to jail. He probably already called the police. The ironic part of this whole nightmare? I tried. I tried and I failed. Imagine that.
At ten, I’ll call Isaiah and tell him to come and get me. We’ll go to the beach. We’ll run away. Too bad I can’t convince Mom to go with us. Isaiah and I could get her before the cops do.
I raise my head and a wave of hope floods my body, making me dizzy. I could convince Mom to go. We could go away— together.
Someone knocks on the door. I slip the phone under the covers. “Yeah. ”
Scott enters the room and turns on the light.
He wears a black T-shirt and a pair of blue jeans. For the first time, I see a hint of the kid that took care of me when I was younger and, foolishly, my heart responds. I move off the bed. I have to tell him I’m sorry. “Scott…”
Focusing on the carpet, he cuts me off. “I’m not in the mood to hear you bitch. If you ever talk to Allison like that again, I’ll make sure you regret it. She’s my wife and I love her. ”
I nod, but Scott doesn’t look at me to see it.
He pulls his wallet out and slaps a card onto the dresser. The name and number belong to Mom’s probation officer. “I talked to him this evening. Nice guy. Did you know your mom will serve a ten-year sentence if she screws up probation? Ten years. That’s not even counting what they’ll charge her with when I tell them what I know. Your choice, Elisabeth. Either way you’re living here until you turn eighteen. Your actions decide if your mom goes to jail. ”
The relief sweeping through my body makes me weak. He hasn’t sent my mom to jail. Not yet. I still can make this work. The possibilities have my mind racing. I’ll have to find a way into Louisville, to convince Mom to leave with me, and then get Isaiah on board. …
“Last chance. ” Scott breaks into my thoughts. “I want perfection this time. ”
He smacks his hand against the dresser and the last cigarette I bummed rolls out of a folder and onto the floor. Shit.
Scott crouches and stares at the cigarette before picking it up. He acts like it’s a joint instead of tobacco. Crap. It might as well be a needle full of heroin. “I can explain. ” Actually, I can’t. But I heard Noah use that phrase with Echo once and it bought him time.
As he stands, his hand shakes. Dad’s hands used to shake. “This is bullshit. I bring you to my home. ” He falters and I can see him trying to rein in the anger. It scares me that he won’t look at me. “I give you a home and you don’t even have the decency to try to follow my rules. ”
Quiet anger frightens me. The drunks, the idiots, the ones that rage easily—them I can handle. I know when to step out of their way.
It’s the ones that hold the anger in, the men that think about what they do and how they do it, that scare me. They’re the ones that cause damage. A small voice, a voice that sounds a lot like me when I was a child, sweetly murmurs that Scott would never hurt me. That he was our protector. Once. I don’t know this man.
“I tried,” I whisper.
“Bullshit!” Scott yells so loudly that the crystals on the lampshade tinkle. I flinch and step back. “You’ve done everything you can to make Allison and me miserable. ”
I swallow. Mom’s boyfriend, Trent, started this way. He walked into the apartment all calm and cool, with anger seething underneath.
Then he yelled. Then he hit.
Dad had this anger too. So did Grandpa. My heart beats wildly in my chest as Scott crushes the cigarette in his hand. For the first time, he looks at me. “Jesus, you’re shaking. ”
He moves toward me and I take a retreating step. My back hits the window and my hands fly out, searching for something—anything—to protect myself with. “Get out. ”
The anger—it’s gone, calls the little girl in my head, but I ignore her. She died along with my love of ribbons and dresses and life. She’s nothing but a ghost.
“I’m sorry,” he says slowly and places space between us. “I didn’t realize I scared you. I was mad. Allison was upset. I hate to see her cry and your teacher called…but I’m calm. I swear. ”
I tried. Really, I did. I tried and this is where it got me. Trapped in a room full of windows with a man who resembles my father. Dad also used to say he was calm, but he never was.
“Get out!”
“Elisabeth…”
“Out!” My hands wave air in front of me, motioning for him to leave. “Get out!”
Scott’s eyes grow abnormally wide. “I am not going to hurt you. ”
“This is your fault!” I yell and I want to stop, but if I stop I’ll cry. A strange wetness burns my eyes. My lip is so heavy it trembles. I can’t cry. I won’t cry. Embracing the anger, I open my mouth again. Damn him if he makes me cry. “You’re the one that dragged me here. Is it not enough to take me away from home? You have to humiliate me at school?”