I want so badly to tell him. To tell someone. To just let all my secrets tumble out and disappear on the wind. But I trusted my father and Callie. And look where that got me. They were my blood, and in the end, they had no trouble cutting me loose. Why would Caleb or Ash or any of these people who’ve known me only a few weeks do better by me? So I clench my jaw and shake my head.
“Who are you?” Caleb asks, and my blood runs cold, my heart stumbling in my chest. “Who are you really?”
“Ivy Westfall,” I say. “You already know that.”
“Daughter of Justin,” Caleb says with a slight nod. “The great man.”
“Yes.”
Caleb’s eyes catch mine before I can turn away. “Is that why you flinch every time someone says his name?”
I stare at him for a long moment, keep my mouth shut. Because there’s nothing I can say. No answer I can give him that will both satisfy him and save me.
Caleb sighs, rubs a hand over the top of his close-cropped hair. “There aren’t a lot of people I really care about,” he says. “A handful, maybe. And that’s probably a high estimate.” His face is serious, his gaze intense. “You’re one of them. Let me help you.”
I’m so surprised I don’t know what to say, all my words momentarily dried up on my tongue. “Why?” I ask, finally.
Caleb makes an impatient sound, which is more recognizably Caleb. “Because you need it. I think you’re in over your head, and I don’t want you to get hurt.”
“No. Why do you care about me?”
Caleb shakes his head, like he’s not even sure of the answer himself. “Because Ash loves you already. And I love Ash. Because you make her smile. Because you’ve worked hard here. You’ve been tougher than I thought you would be. Because you can gut a squirrel in ten seconds flat.” I roll my eyes but he doesn’t smile. “You’re a part of us now.”
“So is Mark,” I say, voice flat.
“I don’t care about Mark.”
“You were sure worried about how I got his bag,” I remind him.
“That was before. I didn’t know you then. Now I do.” He pauses, nudges me with his shoulder. “Now I know you’re worth saving.”
His words take me back to that dusty room in the ruined house, when having a conversation like this with Caleb seemed as distant as the moon. That moment feels like just yesterday and a million years ago, both at the same time. I never imagined a future where sitting next to Caleb would be anything close to comfortable. If I were still a girl who hoped for things, I might wish that Caleb could truly take the place of the family I lost, become the brother I never had and someday love me the same way he loves Ash. But I’ve stopped making wishes that aren’t ever going to come true. I learned that lesson the hard way.
“Let me help you,” Caleb repeats. “Please.”
I’ve never heard him say that word before. The sincerity in his voice breaks my heart a little. I didn’t even know my heart was capable of that anymore. I can feel the truth pressing against the backs of my teeth, searching for the slightest crack in my resistance. “I can’t,” I manage to get out.
Caleb blows out a breath, pushes himself to standing with his hands on his thighs. Frustration rolls off him, his jaw tight. But his voice is still gentler than I’m used to when he speaks. “If you don’t want help or don’t want to tell me the truth, that’s your choice. But whatever happens from here on out, it’s on you, Ivy.” He points at me. “It’s on you.”
“I know that,” I say, ignoring the hollow pit in my stomach, the urge to pull him back down beside me and confide everything. “It always has been.”
It’s one of our last nights around the bonfire. Ash tells me that in a few days we’re going to begin dismantling the camp and we’ll move back to town within a week or so.
“It takes a while,” she says, around a mouthful of bread. “To get everything into town.”
“How far is it?” I ask, picking at my deer meat.
“A few miles that way.” She points to the south. “Along the river.”
“Where will I live?” I ask. I don’t want to assume I’ll still be living with her, don’t want her to feel like I’m a burden she has to constantly shoulder. Maybe she’s ready to go back to how things used to be. It will be enough to be part of the g
roup; I don’t have to be right next to Caleb and Ash to survive.
Ash kicks at my foot with hers. “With us, of course. Caleb and I share a house. There’s an extra bedroom.”
I can’t help the grin that slides across my face, and Ash grins back. “Like I’m going to let you get away now that I have you,” she scoffs, making me laugh.
“Where is Caleb?” I ask, looking around the ring of faces. “Out on another walk?” Lately when Caleb looks at me, I think I see disappointment in his eyes. But I still like it better when he’s here, with his impatient groans and teasing voice.