e doesn’t want to deal with me. I’m here, in his space, in his place, and right now, I’m pretty sure he asked me to stay because it was the heat of the moment. Why am I going to waste my energy telling him all the things I feel that don’t matter? This family is trying to suck out any part of me that is human. He’s trying to break every part of me. I always knew he would.
I rotate and all but run to the bedroom. I need to pack what I have to my name and leave. I walk into the bathroom and realize I have nothing really, plus where am I going to go? Where am I safe? I shut the door and lock it. I wait then, hoping Eric will follow me. Hoping he will make this all go away, but there is no knock on the door. There is just silence. I slide down the wooden surface and squeeze my eyes shut, fighting a pinch that promises to become tears. I don’t know what is happening between us. I just know that I have nothing stable to call my own, not even my mother. Not my house, where I would hide and just find peace and calm within myself.
My cellphone rings and I pull it from my pocket to find a blocked number. I think of Gigi immediately and answer the call. “Hello?” There is static and the line goes dead. Damn it. I wait and hope it will ring again but it doesn’t. Seconds tick by and nothing. I stand up, force down my emotions. I should tell Eric. Or Blake. I can call Blake. Of course, I don’t have his number. Do I? I think I have Smith’s number. Yes. I dial Smith. He answers on the first ring. “Are you okay?”
“Yes. I just got a blocked call. It went dead when I answered. I thought you might want to track it.”
“Right. We have your phone monitored. If it was traceable in any way, which is doubtful, Blake will have it handled.”
“Okay, great thanks.” I start to hang up.
“Wait,” Smith says. “You sure you’re okay?”
“This is all just—a lot. You know?”
“Yes,” he says without hesitation. “Do you want me to get an update on your mother?”
“No. I’m going to call her.”
He’s silent a moment. “Let me know what I can do.”
“Actually, if I needed a safe place to stay—”
“You’re safe with Eric. Stay there.”
“Yes, but—”
“Stay there,” he repeats. “You need to stay there.”
“Okay,” I whisper and hang up.
He calls back. I don’t take the call. I dial my mother. She answers. “Harper?”
She sounds lucid. “How are you?”
“Numb. I can’t believe he’s in ICU. I can’t believe I’m on lockdown.”
It hits me that she has yet to ask if I’m on lockdown or safe. “To protect you.”
“I need to be with him. If he’s gone—”
“He’s not. He’s a stubborn bastard who won’t die,” I say, basically repeating Eric’s idea on the matter. “Mom, I need to know what’s going on. Why would anyone do this?”
“I don’t know!” she declares, her voice a shrill attack. “You think I know?”
“You know what he did to Eric’s mother and kept it silent. So yes, I think you know things you don’t share. Bad things.”
“I don’t. I don’t. I’m not that person.”
“You knew he denied Eric’s mother treatment. How do you live with that?”
“It wasn’t true. I told you that.”
“But while you were drugged, you were worried Eric found out.”
“That’s not true. I didn’t worry Eric found out. There’s nothing to find out.”
“What is going on, mother?” I stand up. “Tell me now.”