After Toby broke up with me, I’d become numb to my heart being broken almost to the point where I can say it doesn’t faze me anymore. Almost.
Toby and I started dating at the end of my senior year of high school. He was the first boy that I ever allowed to steal my heart. I say boy, because I had a curious side and had to make sure girls weren’t for me. Living in a small town meant being secretive about dating someone of the same sex. Violet, the first and last girl I ever dated, wanted to run away together, but after a few months, I realized that while I thought women were beautiful creatures, I was more sexually attracted to men. It wasn’t a phase or something I did for attention because I truly cared for her. Though we were just stupid kids, the breakup was messy. The rumor mill started, and I later found out Violet was the one who told everyone about us sneaking around and being together. We weren’t best friends like everyone assumed, but were more than that. To this day, my parents still don’t know, and I’m not sure they’d believe I kissed and dated a girl anyway.
After Violet and I broke up, Toby was there. He was tall and handsome and said all the right things at the right time. He’d always had a crush on me, but I never gave him the time of day, until my senior year when he asked me to the fall dance. He willingly took my heart and kept it.
When I found out I was accepted to the California State University on a full scholarship, he was upset. Everyone hoped I’d go to the University of Texas and then Toby and I would get married and start a family, but I had no desire to stay in Texas. I wanted to experience something different and be someone other than the Bishop boys’ little sister. When I told him I’d taken the opportunity, he was pissed that I didn’t allow him to make the decision for me. After a year of doing the long-distance relationship thing, Toby decided to attend a college that was close by so we could be together again. I was so consumed by him and I loved having him around because it was like having a piece of Texas in California with me.
I knew after graduation he would be going back to El Dorado. It was always the plan. He made it very clear that California wasn’t for him and I’d wished I was enough to make him stay. I had limited time with him already so when I heard the Brooks family reunion happened to fall at the same time of spring break and it’d be in Dallas instead, my heart sank. It meant we wouldn’t be together for two weeks. Though I loved Toby, he never got along with my brothers, and they made sure to give him hell every chance they could. Anytime I hinted about him meeting me in Dallas for the reunion, he’d have an excuse. Though our spring breaks fell at different times—I had two weeks and he had one—we decided to go our separate ways. It was the first time since he’d moved to Cali that we had been apart for a significant amount of time.
Before I flew to Dallas, he came over, and we made love on the floor in front of the fireplace. He’d told me he’d love me and I believed him. He’d told me I was the only woman for him and I believed him. I told him I couldn’t wait to plan our future together after college and how I would do anything for him, even though it wasn’t always reciprocated.
The next morning when my brothers picked me up from the airport, they gave me so much shit for Toby not coming with me, but I ignored them like usual. After the reunion, I booked an early flight back to California because I wanted to surprise him before he left for home. He’d been so distant while I was gone that I really should’ve gotten the hint. When I checked Facebook, I was annoyed by the amount of pictures of him and this girl that he was tagged in, but even then, I made excuses for him. He really didn’t use his Facebook that much anyway. In my eyes, he could do no wrong, and he would never hurt me. I believed the good in him because I loved him with all my heart.
C: Baby! I’m home! Surprise! I missed you.
T: Packing up to fly home.
C: Can I come see you? Thought I’d catch a flight back to San Angelo with you. It can be our own little secret.
T: That’s not a good idea.