“There sure are a lot of boats.”
Despite the war going on inside him, Cole had to smile. Leave it to Maddie to refer to the array of the ocean liners as boats. The traffic on the waterway had grown steadily in the past few days, but he, too, was surprised by the line waiting to dock. “Yes, there are,” he said.
It was early morning, no one else on the Mary Jane had stirred, and though it had only been a few hours since he’d told Maddie to go get some rest, she was back and dressed for the day. Lovely, too. He’d come to accept that, as well. The ladies below, flashing their goods and batting their lashes—which had gotten old before any iota of interest could have formed—had made Maddie all the more pretty. And vulnerable. The men in Dabbler would attack her like sharks.
Leaving the rail, Cole walked back to the helm, though no attention was needed, anchored as they were.
She followed, as he knew she would. “I’m so excited, I could swim to shore.”
“I wouldn’t advise that,” he cautioned. “You’d freeze to death before you got ten feet from the boat.”
“I’m not going to do it,” she said somewhat saucily. “I’m not stupid.”
Air snagged in Cole’s chest as he dragged in a breath. “I know you’re not stupid, Maddie.” Gesturing toward the queue of ships, he said, “Most of these are passenger vessels. Hundreds of people, thousands actually, will debark here.”
“All hoping to find gold,” she answered while nodding.
He nodded in return before he said, “It’s going to be dangerous, Maddie. No place for a woman.”
Her face fell. So did his insides.
“I’m not going south with Trig,” she said. Folding her arms, her gaze was expectant when she looked up at him. “I’ve suspected you were going to suggest that.”
“Alaska’s no place for you, Maddie. Go south with Trig. He’ll find you—”
“Lucky...”
When she said his name like she did—all soft and wistfully—it almost took his breath away, and irritated him to no end.
She grabbed hold of his coat sleeve. “Haven’t you learned anything about me in all this time we’ve been traveling?”
He pulled from her hold to grab her arms. “Yes, I have. That you’re a pain in my backside.” It was true. He thought of her all the time, and that was painful. The other truth was, if she’d been a man, he’d have already asked her to pair up with him.
Her mouth gaped, and his insides stung. He did know her, and simply telling her she couldn’t go with him wouldn’t work. She was far too stubborn for that. He had to show her she wasn’t wanted. “That’s right. A royal pain in the butt. I’m going to be busy, Maddie. I won’t have time to worry about you.” He didn’t want to worry about her. Not now. Not ever. With one hand he gestured to the mountain ridge beyond the town. “You see those mountains? I’ve got to cross them. You’d be like a weight around my neck, making the trek that much harder, that much longer.”
She wobbled and he let her go, and told himself not to catch her as she stumbled backward. Any other woman would be shedding tears, but Maddie wasn’t prone to crying, or letting her emotions show. She wasn’t whiny or constantly complaining, either, and for a moment he wished she was. All this would be a lot easier, then. Walking away from Rachel sure had been.
Maddie’s eyes grew cold, bitter, and her chin came up. “I’ll never be a weight someone has to carry. Not for you or anyone else.”
He had one stab left, and he had to seal the deal. “What do you think you’ve been all this time?” he asked. “A paying passenger? No, you’ve been a lie I’ve had to cover up since the first night we set sail. A burden I don’t need or want.”
Her lips puckered and her nostrils flared, yet her chin never quivered as she spun around and stomped across the deck.
Sickened, for he didn’t like hurting her, Cole sent his gaze back to the line of ships ahead of them. He couldn’t say he liked who he was lately. Maddie had changed something inside him, and it wasn’t any good. Just as he’d known it wouldn’t be. When a man lets a woman into his life, everything changes. He’d sworn that would never happen to him, and it wouldn’t. Yet, it left him feeling as if he’d eaten a bucket of crab apples.
* * *
“So you told Maddie she can’t go with you, did you?”
Cole didn’t glance at his uncle, who’d appeared at his side. “The Klondike’s no place for a woman.”